Happy Holidays and a Happpy New Year to you all! As I write my final article for this year, I think back on all the trials, challenges, and triumphs I experienced this year. And after reviewing it all I realized… We made it through yet again!! Our strength, compassion, determination, patience, and success rate have all gained another notch underneath our belts.

You know… some of you may feel like you had a great year, a lousy year, or no real change of a year at all. But do yourself a favor and take a little time to reflect on all you have done this year. What have you lost and what have you gained? Who have you made an impact on and who has made an impact on you? Where did you stand before and where do you stand know? What was the most significant or defining moment of this year? Who deserves the biggest hug and who deserves the biggest kick in the #$%#@!!

Take note of these things, write out a “ This year in the life of so and so.” And most importantly, once you are done documenting these things… ask yourself the most important question… what do you want this next year to look like? Because whether you realized it or not, the New Year is a perfect and real opportunity to break new ground, forge ahead of yourself, maybe… surprise yourself, and do something truly extraordinary! Every moment is an opportunity to make a change, make a mends, or make a fresh start. Use the New Year as the pinnacle moment in your life to start something, finish something, or just to continue your journey of self-realization and self-improvement. In fact, you obviously have a few moments to read this article… take a few more right now and document your year. That’s right! Pull up your “Microsoft Word” and start typing!

You cannot reach your goals without a measurement of your actions, and right now would be the perfect time for you to take that measurement! As I continue to learn and grow, I will always share what I learn with you, our faithful readers. I look forward to next year for all of us… as I wish you all, a most joyous holiday!

Let me know if this has happened to you… you meet someone at a function, and the conversation goes really well. You start the think to yourself that this person is very interesting when all the sudden you notice a subtle but noticeable aroma lingering around you. At first, you freak out a little, trying to remember if you wore your deodorant and brushed your teeth, when you realize (and feel somewhat relieved) that it is coming from the person you are talking too. And as you spend the next half hour or so talking with this person, the smell gets so bad that you ask yourself how they could leave the house that way! Now I am a realist… there have been times that I have left the house without a shower or shave, and definitely wasn’t at my most presentable. But you have to know how to judge whether you need to primp up or not. So here are a few suggestions on how to handle such situations.

Where are you going? Where are you heading to? If you’re taking the chance to venture out into the world in your dirty self, you have to judge the “where.” Corner store to pick up diapers you say? OK. Single person going to mall with friends to hang out… probably not. Getting an oil change on your car? Fine. Last minute invite to lunch? No. This brings up my next Suggestion.

What time of day is it? It is fair enough to say that any evening functions require your cleanliness. Unless you are called to a friends house in the middle of the night for moral support because they just got dumped (or some other rare occurrence in the like), you should always plan on “freshening up” for evening functions. During the day, if it is actually called an “event” or “function,” you will want to douse yourself in smell good stuff. And here is a little tip, if you know a function is coming that you are not particularly keen on going too, don’t resist it to the point that you protest getting dressed nice and shaved, because you never know who you will run into, or what great opportunities and/or experiences will present themselves. For those events you are dreading, don’t resist, face them and plan ahead. You may not be enthusiastic about it, but you will at least feel better that you are probably the best looking one there!

No time to primp… bring the bare essentials! There have been times where I have had a surprise engagement right after the gym! Good thing I always have a decent pair of slacks and shirt in the car for emergencies. I also have travel deodorant and mouth wash in my car as well. I may not have been the cleanest person there, but I sure did fake the funk! (Pun intended…). If you have emergency provisions on hand, you will never be caught with your pants down or no nice pants at all!

Bottom line… take pride in your appearance. I know we (as people) can fall into some black hole of jogging pants and torn shirts, or old jeans and a scrunchie, but we always feel better when we look good. We cultivate more self-respect and naturally exude more confidence when we know we look good. So get out of the sweats rut, and I hope to see you out there and looking good. And to the person I met most recently, don’t take your appearance for granted. You never know when an opportunity or the moment of your life will present itself!

OK, I can’t tell you the last time I went on a date… it was some time ago to be honest. But I do have memories of the disastrous mistakes I have made in my single “career,” and the moves that proved to be winners. All woman and men are not the same, so please keep that in mind before utilizing any dating “procedures” your friends may have for you. Each date is going to be different and all of your so-called “moves” have to be tailored to each individual. Here are some friendly guidelines to keep in mind when you are sweating your next encounter of the “opposite kind”:

•Be yourself, but be your “best” self! Consider what is important about who your are, and include that in your date, i.e., morals, values, characteristics, and ideals need to be at the forefront in order to determine if the match is going to be real or not. Don’t be scared if you think the other person might not like something about you, especially something important to you. Sure it may work in the beginning to hide it, but if it turns out to be a meaningful relationship, it will surely hurt you in the end. The truth will always find a way to reveal itself at some point. However, just because (for example) you may be a brutally honest person at times, does not mean you should expose this side of you on a first date. Bottom line, put your best foot forward, just make sure it is your real foot.

•Don’t try too hard! I used to have clients tell me, “I did everything right… so what went wrong? Well that’s just it!! You tried to do everything right! We always think that doing everything right will get us the prize, but on the contrary. I guarantee that originality will score you more points, and where does originality come from? Your true self! There is nothing wrong with showcasing the best parts of you. Sometimes making mistakes can work in your favor. Maybe it’s your sense of humor. Or maybe it’s your thoughtfulness… or sensitivity… or that you’re a good listener, who knows! And if you make a mistake, don’t worry; and if it is a noticeable mistake, acknowledge it! Let them know you are human, and your date will feel more prone to let there guard down as well. Then you guys can vibe on a “down to earth” and “real” level… the level you were both looking to vibe on in the first place!

•Instead of waiting for your turn to speak, “listen and understand” what your date is saying FIRST! I understand, your nerves and adrenalin are racing, and you are having trouble thinking of what to say (the biggest mistake you can make on a date). What we don’t realize is that what our date talks about provides us with our response, as long as we listen to them. Don’t cloud your head with witty or smart things to say. Show interest in there interests at first… after all, don’t you want to find out about things you do (or don’t) have in common?

•For goodness sake, have fun! First dates are nervous and exciting all at the same time; don’t allow your nerves to immobilize you from taking chances and having a good time. How to get over the nervousness you ask? Just keep in mind these three things:

1.He/She agreed to take a chance on you, which shows that an attraction is most likely present.
2. It’s just a date! You don’t expect to fall in love right away do you? Keeping in mind that this date doesn’t mean “everything,” can relieve you of some of the pressure.
3. You have nothing to lose!

Too many times when singles date, they make the grave mistake of fighting the grain and trying to make something fit, instead of just letting go and allowing nature to take its course. I hope some of these suggestions will be helpful and that you will add them to your dating “tool box.”

**P.S. I would love to hear some dating success stories, so if you have one you would like to share, feel free to send it to me!

I felt compelled to write about something I make sure to do every once in a while… re-evaluate any significant changes in my life, and solidify there purpose. You see, when we are going through significant change, which causes the direction of our life to change, we begin to question those changes, mostly because it is not what we are used to. The security we’ve come to know has been lost. Dealing with this loss of security and comfort is harder for some more than others. However, change for everyone is not easy. When I start to feel lost (so to speak), I specifically put aside time to ponder these changes, and remind myself why they are present in the first place. By getting caught up in your new changes routine, and not keeping in mind the big picture, we start to feel lost, directionless, and disconnected.

By taking “uninterruptible time” to think of why the new changes are in my life in the first place, I can only then start to feel more comfortable and confident with those changes. I start to feel balanced again. There is a purpose for those changes and that leads to the meaning. Change is scary! It is no easy process to muddle through… and sometimes, we can’t quite remember how we even made it through in the first place! But take some time… some “uninterruptible time.”

Use this time to remind yourself of what’s important in your life, and why the changes in your life are present… the meaning. Remind yourself of the purpose and meaning. This will help you to keep yourself balanced while walking down the unknown and scary path we call change.

We would all love to believe that everything is perfect and that we are always happy, but then we wouldn’t be living in the real world. There are times where all people, even the best people, people that you think don’t have an angry bone in there body, can get angry. Anger is a very powerful and expressive emotion, and until now, it has been a common misunderstanding that “letting it out” was the best way to relieve you of anger. Here are some wonderful alternatives to dealing with your “Incredible Hulk” side!

• “Zen Mode:” The most common sense technique (I am talking about relaxation), but most under used. Try taking deep breaths counting from 1-10 on the inhale, holding your breath for another count of 10, and then a count of 10 on the exhale. Do this several times, and you will start to feel relief. Couple that with a good relaxation phrase or word, such as “relax” or “calm.” You can also add calming imagery (waterfalls, trees, and sand) or soothing relaxation music. The key is to use these techniques the second you feel your anger starting to accelerate to an uncomfortable level.

• Changing your mindset: When we get angry we start to use hateful language, curse words, and negative imagery and thoughts. We start to immediately blame ourselves or others; but what we need to do is to change our mindset. Instead of looking for someone to blame, look for a solution. Tell yourself that you can figure it out instead of “there is nothing I can do!” “Talk yourself down” so to speak, and take a more understanding and supportive stand. Changing your environment can also help to change your mindset.

• Better Communication: Ahhh… this is the root to all misunderstandings, confrontations, and causes for getting angry. When in the heat of the moment, it is at that instant that you should focus on what you would really like to express in the calmest, most supportive and positive light you can. When angry, we throw everything but the kitchen sink, but none of what we throw addresses or resolves the issue. No blaming, angry, frustrated, or resenting words and tones. Instead… supportive, precise, and caring words and tones are more effective, can curb escalating anger, and can be a productive way towards resolution.

• Humor: The healing power of laughter can not only help you to avoid unnecessary stress and anger, but can help you to see the “big picture” and realize that everything isn’t as bad as it seems. I try to make fun of myself when something gets me angry; it helps me to get perspective and eventually see the light within my angry little dark cloud. Sometimes I will purposefully throw on a comedy or do some type of activity I like to make me smile again. For instance I know that when I tickle my son and he laughs, all my anger melts away. How about that, doing something good for someone else makes me feel better! Another future article perhaps!

Life is full of people, situations, and events that will make you angry… there’s no avoiding it. But we can always do something about how we will let it affect us. Most of all, take the message that anger gives you, but don’t let it control you. Remember that you are in control, and can always do something to help turn your frown upside down!

If you’re like me, you are constantly trying to balance your fast paced life with eating healthy and right. It is difficult to eat the right foods when you have no time to prepare, and everywhere you turn you are tempted by fast food restaurants. I have compiled a few key elements to keep in mind before you go for that next super sized triple burger meal.

•Start to think of food as fuel for your body, as opposed to a “fix.” Sometimes simply changing our association to food and how we think of it can help us to make healthier choices.

•Consider getting all of your food groups in, and I don’t mean cheese, vegetables, meat, and grains spell Big Mac! Remember your fruits (apples, oranges, blueberries, bananas, or a delicious mango!). Make sure to include your vegetables (a salad with lunch, or peas and a potato with dinner). The morning is a great time for grains and dairy (oatmeal, cereal, a cup of yogurt, a glass of milk, or a serving of eggs).

•Keep a conscious eye on limiting your sugar and salt intake. High cholesterol and rotten teeth are not something you want to contend with in your future. Oh, and pay close attention to your caffeine intake as well, it may give you energy in the beginning, but your in for a dip in the later afternoon, which will lead to you wanting more coffee. Coffee addiction is an expensive habit, not worth it!

•When thinking snacks, think crackers, fruits, yogurt, nuts, and veggies and dip. It would be best to just snack on baby carrots by themselves, but I know that a majority of you prefer to dip those baby carrots into some ranch or French dip. Just keep the dip usage to a minimum, and I am specifically speaking to those who are dip loaders!

•Decrease the soda and sugary drinks, and increase your water and natural fruit juice intake. I truly recommend this step, because not only is it healthier for you in the long run, but if you have kids, you will be passing on a good habit.

One last thing, if you have no choice but to eat fast food, did you know that most fast food restaurants have nutritional value information about there foods? I advice you to pick one up at any fast food joint you go too or favor, it will make it easier to decide on a healthier alternative to what you usually get.

Bon appetite!

Most recently, my brother and nieces moved away from us to North Carolina. Now granted, I probably didn’t see them as much as I should have while they were living here on the Island, but it dawned on me when they left, that family really is a valuable commodity that shouldn’t be taken for granted… not too mention I missed them dearly. It was at that point that I decided I would be closer to my brother and family more so, despite them being so far away. Here are some tips for you and your “distant” relatives that can help bring you closer together.

•Try actually calling each other on a regular basis! So simple, yet we never find the time to do it, or we forget… or perhaps it’s out of fear that we won’t ever have anything to say. I call my brother at least once a week now (which is more than when he lived here!). Sometimes I have to figure out what I want to talk to him about before I call, sometimes I try to make it up as I go, and sometimes I feel like I am trying too hard to spark up conversation (I am sure I’m not alone on that one). But some conversations are really good ones, and sometimes we end up shootin’ the breeze for a decent amount of time. The bottom line however is not the quality, but the effort I put in to being there for him. We may not have a lot in common, but you don’t have to when it comes to family, because you have history… and a bond. It’s about being there for each other the best you can.

•Make it a habit of sending family photos to each other. Something I just started recently. My brother and I have families of our own. I was saddened by the fact that my brother was not here to see my son when he was born. So I started sending some pics of him, and he will be doing the same as well. When I first started sending pictures of my son, my brother said that his daughter (age 2) would look at them and ask if that is here cousin. She asks about him almost everyday. She has never met him before, but she asks about him… how great is that!

•Video messaging is an amazing thing! I actually have my brother working on getting a new computer and webcam so we can finally talk face to face, the kids can say hello to each other, and you can even play online games such as chess and checkers with each other! I personally have this set up already and I use it to coach clients. It is the next best thing to actually being there! Also, with technology advancing so fast, the clarity is getting better and better for the webcams… and so is the price! With any computer now a days, you can purchase a webcam (microphone is usually already built in) for about as little as $30.00, to as much as $100.00. They attach easily through USB port and your installation wizard usually takes care of the rest; or you can install it using the CD-rom they usually provide. They sell video phones now as well, and they work OK, but if you already have a computer, a webcam would definitely be the way to go!!

I hope that these few suggestions have ignited some ideas of your own on how you can become closer to your distant relatives. Oh, by the way… our latest idea is that the whole immediate family rent a huge house for a week somewhere, so we can spend it with each other. Although not a new concept, it can be a great way to spend a week of vacation; having the whole family together in a beautiful and large house! Everyone chips in for the rental, and we can set up the week so that some of the time we are doing family activities like picnics and BBQ’s, and some the time can be spent doing activities separate from each other as well. The best of both worlds. Just goes to show you that you don’t have to be apart from family, just because you live apart!

Ahhh… the complex working world, filled with hope, optimism, advancement, and stress!! Yes… Stress! Starting a new job can be a stressful process, but here are some things you can do to keep your nerves calm. Here we go!!

•Plan your first day ahead of time. The better prepared you are for your first day, the more confident and at ease you will feel. Get to bed earlier than usual for a good nights sleep, have your outfit and anything else you will need prepared the night before, set your alarm clock (and test it to make sure it works!), plan to arrive at least 20 minutes early (this gives you a chance to try and meet some of your future co-workers and make some friends). Feeling and being prepared can lighten the load of stress on your day.

•Remember, you may bring your experience with you, but your way of doing things may change with a new job. Experience is key to performing your job, but be open to the fact that perhaps the new company has there own way of doing things… things you may have to learn yourself. Be adaptable and by all means, don’t compare your previous methods to your new jobs methods; specifically, in front of your new co-workers!

•Don’t expect to get everything your first day, just do the best you can! Although we may be eager to do the job efficiently and right the first time, it is not helpful to put this kind of pressure on yourself your first day. You have enough to worry about, like getting acclimated to your working environment, learning new skills or methodology and getting to know key fellow co-workers. Remember that your employer and other employees will most likely give you leeway because they recognize it is your first day too, so don’t sweat it!!

•Make yourself at home! Besides your home, your job is the place you will probably spend most of your time. I am sure you had some personal touches added to your previous job. Make sure to add them to your new workspace as well. Family photos, awards, personal rolodex, and all of your special trinkets will help you to feel connected and secure, in an otherwise (at first) strange environment. Get to know your area, and set up as best as you can; another great reason why showing up early has its advantages.

Overall; Make your first day your “get to know the job” day. Do not put added pressure to an already busy day, and set yourself up ahead of time for an easier and less stressful first day. Oh… did I mention bringing in coffee and donuts to the job may be an awesome ice breaker as well? Just don’t make it a habit; it can become an expected and expensive one!

Just thought I would talk about how we can all improve our relationships with our significant other, and as usual, I like to give you things you can start to do right away! I have included something for all scenarios; re-establishing affection, crisis intervention, and setting off a spark. Try these simple and effective approaches, and watch how they can improve and spice up your relationship.

•Start using that “pet name” again; you know… the one you used to use! You may have stopped using pet names for each other because you started to feel they were corny, or maybe because you have gotten so comfortable in your relationship, that you both felt they are no longer necessary. All the more reason to bring them back! Sometimes, just hearing it once in a while can make you smile inside and feel good. It even helps when you want to say something that you think the other may not like so much, it takes the sting away a little. Pet names can express your utmost sincerity, in almost any situation; especially after a “thank you,” “please,” or “I love you.” You will be amazed how such a little thing can help to bring you two closer again. And if you think pet names are too corny, pick one that isn’t. “Hun” and “Babe” seem to be favorites amongst couples, particularly guys.

•Avoid an argument by staying in your “calm voice.” You ever notice how during a disagreement, you both seem to get louder and louder at each other, mainly because you feel that you are not being heard. We try to force our words on each other, which as you know, does not help at all. Try using a calm, caring approach when discussing unfavorable subjects. And if your partner starts to get loud, let them know in a reassuring and calm way that you would like to discuss it in a calm matter which will lead to a more productive resolution. You may have to say this several times, but eventually, they will get the hang of it. If your partner is insistent on yelling or screaming, let them know that you don’t want to discuss it in anger, and you would like to discuss it at a later time when they are calm. After that walk away, and give your partner time to cool off and regroup.

•Distance makes the heart grow fonder. This is perfect for those couples who have been in long-term relationships and almost always seem to be together. Girls, head out with a girlfriend for the day, or guys, have yourself a “guys day” out. Maybe one of you can visit your relatives for the day. If you have kids, arrange for a babysitter for when you get home, I guarantee when you come home (and kids are gone), your partner will show some sign of missing you, and hopefully, it will lead to some “I missed you” quality time after dark!

•When was the last time you two “made out?” Do you remember your first kiss with your partner? How about all of those “make out sessions” you used to have… for hours on end! Well… “Making out” is “making” a comeback! There is no subtle way to tell you this, so here it goes;

1.Take a breath mint.
2. Take your partner in your arms
3. Start with a long, closed mouth kiss
4. Progress to a passionate, no holds bard, I am going for it, kiss!
5. Don’t let them up for air until at least 25- 30 seconds has gone by
6. Repeat this process from step 2.

I love doing this, it puts a smile on my wife’s face every time, and I enjoy seeing that smile.

So what other ways can you think of to improve these areas of your relationships? There are so many endless tools, just tap into your creative side. And just remember… communicating does not only involve talking, it involves listening! Try asking each other what you want more of, and by all means… give it!! What counts most is that you make each other happy.

We all may, at one point or another, find ourselves in a little funk. Feeling depressed can be a draining emotion. It basically drains you of all of the things you enjoy doing, and causes you to lose your drive to live your life as productively as you normally do. Here are a few simple things you can do right now to fight those feelings of depression, and kick them to the curb!!

•Shed some light on your darkness! Research shows that sunlight can help to relieve symptoms of depression. So get out into the sun and get some fresh air. If you can’t get out into the sun, or you live in one of those places where it stays dark for unusually long periods of time, or if you are a vampire (ha-ha), then you can always invest in a light therapy machine, I hear they work pretty good as well.

•Make yourself busy, especially during idling times! To fight depression, you need to keep your mind occupied. Take on a hobby or project that commands your full attention. Filling your day with things to do will keep you busy and thinking of the tasks at hand, instead of negative thoughts and feelings. Pay specific attention to the times where you are idle, driving, waiting, eating, relaxing, etc., and distract your thoughts with some type of activity. Listening to inspiring music, reading a magazine on the latest fashions, or watching funny shows (Seinfeld is one of my favorites!) are some activities you can do.

•Call or visit one of your funny relatives or friends. We all have that friend or family member that always manages to crack us up every chance they get! Call or visit these people! God has blessed us with there presence for a reason! Just make sure when you do, that they are not in a depressive state as well… there is nothing worse than two depressed friends being depressed together (believe me, it doesn’t work… I’ve tried it!).

•Perform your good deed for the day! Doing something kind for someone else will definitely make you feel all warm and gooey inside… no matter how depressed you are! Besides, don’t we just love to take credit for other peoples happiness? Well doing a kind deed will make that credit you take rightfully deserved, and feel really good too! Get your grandparents out of the house, or take your godson to a baseball game (I prefer Laser tag!). Make someone else’s day, and you will have made your own… and before you know it, you will be saying, “Depression what?”

•Review your “Box of Achievements!” All of us have this lying around somewhere. You know… the dusty box with medals, or mantle of awards and certificates you have that displays all of your accomplishments? Reminiscing about all of your accomplishments you have made in the past, can be a helpful reminder of how you triumphed over obstacles, and pushed through to victory. Remember all you have been through to get where you are today. You may begin to see how it is time to face and triumph over these shadowed times… and work your way back to happiness. It is also helps as a distraction to fill your head with happy memories, instead of unhappy thoughts.

Try these tips out when you are feeling blue, and find your happy place again (Happy Gilmore did!). Remember that these suggestions are in no way to be taken as medical advice, and you should always consult with your doctor if you do experience symptoms of depression. Live well and full my friends!!