(Long Island, NY) Not many people remember that old indie-rock classic by The Nails called “88 Lines About 44 Women,” but it seems wonderfully appropriate to pay homage to that great old band of the 80s as I contemplated last month’s massive baby boom at North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset. SEVEN sets of triplets! Can you believe that at least one set was done without the aid of fertility drugs? Apparently most of the triplet-bearing couples did use some, ahem, enhancements. But who can blame them?
If you are going to start a family, why not get all of that diaper changing, teething, and all the other issues that go along with babies over in one fell swoop? Sure, three infants would be a handful right off the bat, but once they turn into teenagers, you’ve got yourself a ready-made household work force. Plus they’re tax deductible!
I for one don’t envy the parents of these triplets, at least not for the next three years. For starters, they will have to hire a nanny to come along to the movies with them. Most parents bring their one infant to the ultra-violent and noisy movies, only to miss half the show when the terrified tot starts screaming at all the surround sound.
Then there’s the supermarket. These new parents are going to have to start learning how to shop in shifts. Moms, you’ll have to train hubby to shop only for what’s on the list. Remember, every bag of Oreo’s you buy is 3 bucks less you’ll have to toss in three college funds.
This screed is on or near line 21, where I have to stop, if I am to stay true to my headline. But I can’t resist saying a bit more on the 21 kiddies who are just now learning what crib wood tastes like, what plastic tastes like, and what Gerber’s tastes like. It probably sounds like I am down on having kids, but I could not be happier for these parents with their three new kiddies each. I hope they are all as pleased as punch, and stay that way forever and ever, Amen.
After all, better them than ME!
