(Long Island, N.Y.) Confession: I’ve witnessed first hand things that go bump in the night. Not in my present house (thank goodness) but as a kid I was convinced I heard a group of men chattering in our kitchen while everyone slept. Funny thing is–I wasn’t the only one in our house who heard rumbling downstairs in the darkness. It wasn’t rattling chains or bellowing “boos” I heard. Rather, it just sounded like hoarse whispers–like a group of old men chatting over a cup of coffee. Even once I got older (and wiser) I still believed that house was haunted. Boy was I glad we got out of there by the time I was in the third grade.

Sure, I was spooked by the thought, but do haunted houses really exist? I asked the creator of www.HauntedRealEstate.com, Mary Pope-Handy to weigh in.

While the site does not look spooky at all, it is focused on all things haunted and you are treated to some fascinated reading about haunted hotels, ghost tours, etc. She tackles hauntings from a unique perspective. As a second generation realtor working full time–she’s in and out of houses a great deal. In fact, a realtor is a great (and credible) source to ask about this topic. She writes:

Realtors can tell you that often when they go into a home, they pick up on that property’s energy. I don’t want to sound too “out there”, but if a sensitive, seasoned agent (one who’s been in a lot of homes) walks into a home where there’s been a divorce, for instance, a lot of times he or she can pick up on it. Maybe it’s something about the lack of clothing (the half empty closet) or some missing furniture…or maybe it’s something else? The sadness can hang heavily in the air. It’s not measurable, but it’s there.

Once a friend of mine and I walked into a home that just “felt creepy”. There was a coldness to the house, we couldn’t put our fingers on it but we agreed something really bad had to have happened there. Turns out there’d been a murder in that home not long before. That’s what I mean, a place can just feel different – sometimes downright creepy.

So, in the spirit of Halloween, I asked Mary Pope-Handy a few ghostly questions:

Haunted houses….yikes…do they really exist?
They seem to! There are so many reports over the centuries, all over the world. Hard to dispute that a lot of folks have seen, heard or felt “something”.

When was the first time you experienced a haunting for your very own eyes?
Never! I have never “seen a ghost”. (I have experienced other phenomena that indicate a haunting, though.)

What are some signs that a house is haunted?
Smells, temp changes, electrical disturbances, strange winds with no source, things moving and reappearing, that “sense that you’re being watched”. Ordinarily it’s limited to lights and other electrical items going on & off, the sounds of doors or windows opening & closing, footsteps, or an occasional spotting out of one’s peripheral vision or sense of a “cold spot” in the home.

What’s the craziest, scariest or most spooky ghost story you’ve ever heard (or experienced)?
There have been a few! One friend of mine had a ghost go through his open house (you can read about it on my haunted real estate blog ). And a Realtor friend of mine was showing a vacant, empty house to a client when she heard snarling and barking dogs as they went up the stairs.

When did your fascination with haunted houses begin?
It started after an experience I had with a moving cold spot – but I didn’t know what it was at the time. My family and I were at a restaurant for brunch when I felt what seemed like a block of ice go behind me. It was very distinct but there was no explanation for it. A few months later I read that the place was haunted and that one of the symptoms was a “moving cold spot”. I was fascinated, and I was sold! Other things have happened since then, but that was the beginning for me.

What one of your most frequently asked questions?
People sometimes wonder what to do if you do have a ghost who can help to clear a house, but sometimes if you just “talk to the ghosts” and tell them to leave that can do the trick. Also, not all sightings are earthbound ghosts. Sometimes folks who have “crossed over” return to help or lend comfort. The earthbound ghosts (as opposed to visiting spirits) are usually unhappy, sad, lost, confused. The “visitors” are happy and calm, and are here to help. Also sometimes what people experience are neither of these two but simply an imprint. The imprint is not a personal being but is just an impression on a place of something that happened before.

(Long Island, N.Y.) Remember when you were a kid and you’d turn pale when it was time for your parents to go in for Parent-Teacher conference? (Gulp. Please Miss Jenkins, don’t mention that gum incident.) Well, now that things have come full circle and you’re not the one being “talked” about–you still can feel like you’re in the hot seat–even if it is three sizes too small.

Once again, I asked Carmella Van Vleet, author of How to Handle School Snafus for her expert advice on what to say, what to do and what to expect. She gave me 5 tips to make the meeting go great.

• Tip 1. Talk to your child before you go. Ask him what part of the day is his favorite or if he’s having trouble in any subject. See if there’s anything he would like you to bring up with the teacher.

• Tip 2. Be prepared. Look over your child’s report card or progress report and go through his or her schoolwork so there are no surprises about performance.

• Tip 3. Be on time. (The teacher probably has a full schedule.) You may or may not want to include your child but leave siblings at home. Make sure there is some place your child can safely go (like the library) so you can speak with the teacher privately if necessary.

• Tip 4. Greet the teacher warmly and ask questions. And then, listen with an open mind. Ask about your child’s day. Who does she play with at recess? Does she stay on task or daydream? Is she working to your potential? Ask the teacher if he or she has any specific concerns about your child’s performance or social development.

• Tip 5. Afterwards, thank the teacher and ask if he or she feels another conference is needed. When you get home, share what you learned with your child.

How to Handle School Snafus www.carmellavanvleet.com

(Long Island, N.Y.) It’s back-to-school time but is it all homework and no play at your house? Sure, the kids’ take-home assignments snag top priority but here’s a new reason to squeeze in special time for play: the results of a survey detailing some surprising attitudes of parents and grandparents toward their children/grandchildren’s time spent playing video games. PopCap Games, the leading developer and publisher of casual games, recently unveiled the results of the largest survey of players of “casual” computer/video games ever conducted.

Among the nearly 7,500 adult respondents who took part in the survey, nearly a third (31%) indicated they had children or grandchildren under 18 who played these family-friendly puzzle, word and simple action games in their home. And of these 2,298 “family gamers,” fully 80% said they played casual games with their children or grandchildren. Conservative estimates peg the casual games market as being more than 200 million people in size, meaning more than 50 million casual game players are “family gamers” who enjoy experiencing the games in the company of younger family members.

Of the 2,298 adult ‘family gamers’ surveyed:

• Nearly half observed educational advancements in their kids as a result of ‘casual’ game playing
• 9 out of 10 saw the games as a way of bonding with kids
• ALL saw benefits beyond pure entertainment/fun

While many video games are indeed violent, sexist and otherwise controversial, the fastest-growing sector of the video game industry is a very different story. “Casual” video games like Bookworm, Diner Dash, Insaniquarium and Bejeweled are purchased predominantly by women over age 30. And while moms and grandmothers may be the leading purchasers, literally everyone in the family is getting in on the fun – and a host of other benefits, from education to stress relief, bonding to cognitive exercise

Are causal games really different than video games and are there really substantial benefits at play? I asked Dr. Carl G. Arinoldo, a psychologist based in Stony Brook, NY, for his expert advice:

The results of this study are very intriguing. What are your thoughts about casual games?

Dr. Carl G. Arinoldo: I thoroughly enjoy the casual word and puzzle computer games. They are exciting, colorful, and quite engrossing. They are easily accessible and the games are family friendly. In addition, I appreciate all the cognitive and stress management benefits that these casual games provide.

Can you elaborate on some of the benefits?

Dr. Carl G. Arinoldo: The casual word/puzzle games tend to provide a wonderful avenue for the players to exercise and enhance their concentration and focusing abilities. Problem-solving and decision-making skills also appear to be enhanced. Playing these types of games can help a person learn how to distinguish important from unimportant details. In addition, studies seem to be showing that playing these types of games can help to keep the healthy brain active and vital. In fact, people have reported that they feel more “mentally alert” after a session with one of these games.

Aside from the cognitive benefits, playing the casual puzzle/word games help people in reducing their stress. By concentrating and focusing on the game, a person can take a “mental vacation” from whatever it is at the moment that is causing stress in his or her life. And, given the engrossing quality of these games, the concentration and focusing are quite easy to accomplish and stick with! Again, many people have been reporting that they feel less stressed after playing the games.

In fact, in my new book, “Essentials of Smart Parenting: Learning the Fine Art of Managing Your Children“, I recommend playing casual puzzle/word computer games for the cognitive and stress management benefits.

So, what exactly is the difference between casual games and video games?

Dr. Carl G. Arinoldo: There is a difference between these two and this difference would be based on, in part, the type of game and it’s content. The casual computer games would include the puzzle and word games that are available. These games seem to appeal to both genders as well as to people of all ages. They are simple, easy to learn, and they give parents and children a vehicle for some family interaction and bonding.

Video games, on the other hand, are games that are much more detailed, complex, and more graphic in content. These types of games are usually consist of more “hard-core action” and they appear to be geared toward a young male audience. These video games generally do not appeal to people of all ages. As such, when this type of game is in the household, I would tend to think that it would be the children—and not the parents—who would be drawn to them. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules!

It’s great that these types of games appeal to all–I love a challenge! And it’s a perfect way to unwind with the kids–after homework or before bed. Got any tips to make playing a time for bonding?

Dr. Carl G. Arinoldo: The parent can actively engage the child in a casual computer game and they can play the game together. While playing, they can talk about the game and perhaps comment of various strategies of playing. They could also help each other with some of all of the plays. The parent can give the child a lot of positive feedback and reinforcement during and after playing. Through listening to whatever it is that the child says during play, and responding appropriately, the child should come to feel safe and secure and look forward to “playing with mom/dad” in the future! Depending on the make-up of the family, teams could also be established between the parents and the children for a variety of play experiences.

One last one: Do you play?

Dr. Carl G. Arinoldo: Yes. I do play casual computer games for fun and for all of the benefits listed above. The games that I like to play most frequently include: Bookworm, Bejeweled, and Venice.

BONUS: Get wordy–win a game!

That’s right, it’s all about: Words! Words! Words! Bookworm, a classic vocabulary challenge, is an addictive game that really knows how to spell f-u-n. Players link letters and build words to feed Lex, the insatiable bookworm. “But watch out for burning red tiles… they’ll send your library up in flames.” In Bookworm Adventures (the sequel launched last year) players fully take on the role of Lex the bookworm – leading him through a series of well-known books and fictional characters which Lex must overcome by forming words from an ever-changing set of letter tiles. From Dracula, the Wolf-man and other famous monsters to legendary Greek, Egyptian and Arabian tales, Lex explores many great works of fiction and takes on scores of enemies, all with their own unique characteristics and powers.

Making longer and more complex words gives Lex greater fighting prowess and generates special letter tiles with special power-up effects of their own. Various potions and treasures provide Lex with added power, defense and dozens of other automatic and one-time abilities to help him defeat the legions of bad guys standing between him and the safety of his beloved Cassandra and the safety of The Great Library. Three “mini-games” give players additional word puzzles to solve, with their level of success determining the number and strength of extra potions and power-up tiles they’ll take with them as they advance from one “chapter” of the game to the next. Word lovers–eat your heart out!

Want to get in on all the fun? Here’s the deal: The Long Island Exchange has some PopCap games to give away. Email me using the address below with the subject line: BOOKWORM. Try to stump me with a word I’ve never heard before. (It has to be a real word!) Give me the word and a short definition. My favorite “words” will win a PopCap game. There’s just a handful to go around, so get that dictionary out fast! Game over: October 1.

(Long Island, N.Y.) Hey soap opera fans: If you tune in to Days of Our Lives Sept. 13th, 14th and 17th–playing the role of Officer Willy Williams will be Spero Dean (Stamboulis). If you’re not familiar with the name–chances are you’ve seen his face–on the big and small screen. With numerous feature film roles under his belt, Spero has also been featured on General Hospital, The Tonight Show and Sex And The City. Adding to his impressive list of credits, he’s currently producing his first feature film—a horror film, tentativly titled Bone Dead. The film will be shot in Trinidad and while he can’t yet disclose what actors have signed on, production is set to begin this February.

Spero chatted with me recently about what it takes to break in to the acting business and what it takes to stay there and succeed. He also discussed the important role his family and friends played in his career and also how parents can help their kids get started in showbiz.

You’ve been in the business for a long time. When did you first realize acting is what you wanted to do with your life?

Well, it depends on who is reading whether it’s a long time or not. I’ve been in SAG (the Screen Actors Guild) for ten years. I’ve been pursuing it just under 13 years. I started late. Some people start when they’re kids. I finished college, took a real job and didn’t really like it. But I got the desire my first year in college. I had taken a communications public speaking class and the teacher said that I was very natural speaking in front of the class and I had a very natural ability to perform. So the next semester I took a basic acting class and that’s really where I picked it up—I loved it. It was exciting, it was fun, and it was make believe it was exhilarating. It was a natural high. That summer I landed out doing a play at college (The University of Connecticut) and then I continued doing plays in college and I continued taking as many acting classes as I could along with my business classes. I graduated with a degree in finance and a minor in theater. So that is how I got involved in the acting business. I left corporate America and pursued my dream. And 13 years later…

That’s amazing because I know so many people give up in that business so quickly. Were your parents and family supportive of your career choice? Do you think it’s important to have your family backing your dreams?

It is the utmost important thing to have your family and friends support you—in anything you do. To follow your dreams and pursue anything that is difficult or worth achieving, you really need to have your family support. When it came to me I have to say my mom was incredibly supportive. She was my best friend, my biggest fan. Whenever anything was good, she chimed in and made it seem like it was great. And when things were bad she always made it seem that things would get better. She always believed that I would succeed even when I left corporate America.

Was it hard for you to always believe that–and stay driven? Or do you think your drive helped you succeed?

You have to visualize yourself succeeding because it seems—at every corner there is disappointment. Even the people that they say came out of nowhere, like Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. They say ‘look at them, they became big stars overnight’. But before “Good Will Hunting”, Mat Damon pursued acting for TEN YEARS. He had one line in “Mystic Pizza” so even though they say he’s an overnight success and they wrote their ticket….they didn’t. They struggled. Part of it is the journey. Anything worth getting takes work.

Everybody thinks that it’s easy. It’s not—I’m living proof. You can have passion and drive and motivation and connections and luck and still it’s not easy. For me, I think one of the reasons I didn’t give up—because nothing ever came easy for me: I was overweight growing up, I had a learning disability, I was dyslexic, I had ADD, I had a speech impediment. I was told when I went into the special Ed classes that I would be lucky if I graduated high school… But not only did I graduate high school—I got a 3.5 from the University of Connecticut. So nothing ever came easy to me so I realized that I had to work hard to succeed.

What are some of the toughest things about the industry?

Rejection. People will say: you’re not attractive enough. You’re too attractive. You’re not ethnic enough. You’re too ethnic. You’re not tall enough. You’re too tall. You’re not in good enough shape. You’re in too good of shape. And that completely dismisses any of the actual talent. This is just on a physical level and it’s hard not to take it personal. Most of the time you don’t realize why you don’t get a job. I’ve been fortunate enough over the last 12 years that slowly things have changed and I’ve run into people who I have auditioned for and said “I had a great audition. I thought I was so right”—and they would say “Oh, it was just between you and another person and the other person just had something we needed. And it wasn’t because of talent or your look. It was just that someone was better. Someone was more right.”
As an actor you often ask yourself: what did I do wrong? And then you start second guessing your skill and your talent and what you’re doing. You can be your own worst enemy besides the business being difficult.

What are some red flags parents can lookout for who want to support a child who caught the acting bug?

Parents should really be careful. It’s a business that preys on emotion. There are so many kids who want to act or model—and often they’ll run into some people who will say: if you pay this money, we’ll represent you. You should NEVER, ever, ever pay money for a manager or an agent. A manager or an agent has to believe that they could make money off you. That’s what the business is for. So if they believe in you and think that you have something they could market, they work with you… They’ll represent you. Do you have to pay for pictures? Yes. Do you have to take classes? Yes, but to have any representation—and agent or a manager—a red flag should go up if they tell you have to pay a fee for them to get you work. It doesn’t work that way.

Any more words of wisdom for a parent of a child who wants in?

For younger kids, I think it’s easier (not easy) but easier for them to try for commercials. It’s not as much pressure, there’s more opportunities, and you don’t have to have as much skill. Not to say commercial actors are not talented (they can be very talented) but sometimes it comes down to just having the right look.

If you’re on the hunt for an agent or manager, should actors be on the lookout for potential scams?

Oh yes. There’s tons of scams. I got scammed! One of those ‘pay to get on our website’. But these days, on the Internet you can research just about anything. You can go to IMDb.com (Internet Movie Database) and lookup agents and managers to see what kind of clientele they have. There’s some books out there that have lists of all the franchised agencies and managers out there and what they’re looking for. Those are good sources to look at.

And also, make sure the kids are doing it because they want to, not because the parents want them to. If the kids show signs that they don’t want to do it anymore, they should let them stop. Sometimes parents live vicariously through their kids. And it’s a lot of work for parents. To take kids on castings, all the paperwork. And kids should stay in school! You need to have something to fall back on. Some people will say they can’t do anything else but acting. Yeah, okay. Some of the most talented actors, directors, writers, producers, and comedians—are the ones that are well-read. The ones that are educated because a role comes or you’re doing a comedic sketch—the funny people are the ones who are familiar with current events. They’re reading books and know what’s going on in the world.

Do you think having friends in the business or trying to break in, too– is important?

Yes. I’ll describe it as your climbing a ladder to succeed. You reach up one rung and start to pull yourself up and someone’s got their foot on your face trying to hold you down. But if you reach down and you pull someone up, you help each other and give a hand-up—that can happen. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with friends in the business or trying to pursue it—to help each other—or having your friends and family support you to hold you there—is all good to help you not slip down when someone slams a door in your face. Family and support is so important. If it wasn’t for my mom, I would have given up a long time ago.

(Long Island, N.Y.) Every year, Oprah does her annual ” favorite things” show and I’m always glued to the tube to scope out the latest and greatest products she recommends. While I’m no Oprah–I’m often asked; what do you use for…what’s the best…? So here’s my current “favorite things”. Feel free to snag any of these ideas as your own! FYI–I have personally tried, tasted and tested all of these.

Banish the Gift-Basket

If I have to buy a birthday present for a child–no problem. But what on earth do you buy a friend/co-worker/relative for their birthday? This idea totally blows away the gift basket and trust me–you’ll never send flowers again—for any occasion Want to buy a gift and really wow them? Manhattan-based Bake Me A Wish! (www.bakemeawish.com), a nationwide gourmet cake provider is guaranteed to deliver a smile.. Cakes are made with only the finest, freshest ingredients by an award-winning family-run New York bakery. They’re elegant and sophisticated, yet taste homemade. (Really delicious!). Specialty cakes retail for $39.99 plus shipping and handling, and the crumb cakes retail for $19.99 plus shipping and handling. All cakes are packaged in a customized box with a personalized note. On-time delivery is guaranteed via Fed-Ex and one of the nation’s largest fulfillment houses. Gift certificates are available and if you want to give a gift that gives back–consider this: Project Wish Cake. The company donates five percent of all online cake sales to Make-A-Wish. In addition, thirty percent of all sales of the Make-A-Wish specialty cake (the chocolate mousse torte with the MAW plaque) goes to the foundation.And just to tantalize your taste buds–here’s just some of the flavors you can choose from: Carrot Cake, Café au Lait Cheesecake, Chocolate Mousse Torte, Tiramisu Classico, Vanilla Bean Cake, Red Velvet Chocolate Cake, Strawberry Short Cake, Triple Chocolate Enrobed Brownie Cake, Old Fashioned Crumb Cake.Yum.

Make-A-Wish specialty cake (BakeMeAWish.com)

A Spa that Rocks!

There’s nothing more heavenly than a great massage. Get a bad massage—and you’re burning mad. Hot Stone massages are growing in popularity and spas all across the country are rocking their menu with this trendy treatment. I’ve certainly had my share of massages but bluemercury, the day spa located at The Tropicana in Atlantic City, was–hands down–the best hot stone massage I’ve ever had. In fact, I spent the entire day there, getting facials and massages and with all the spas around–I’d book another appointment there in a heartbeat. The staff was friendly and my girlfriends and I felt like celebrities for the day–lounging in fluffy white robes and sipping mint water. It’s a also a top-of-the-line beauty store that made a beauty product junkie, like myself feel as if I died and went to Bliss and Nars heaven. If you’re heading to Atlantic City–trust me–a stop at bluemercury is worth the money. There’s lots of other locations in the area. Want to book a blissful, unforgettable day, check out: www.bluemercury.com

My New Special-Tea

Believe it or not, my husband was the first to try this out and because he rarely rants and raves about anything–I knew I had to give it a try. I like to drink something warm at night–even in the summer- but I was getting bored of herbal tea and coffee wasn’t quite doing the trick either. So we are now devoted Red Tea drinkers. African rooibos tea, or Red Tea. Red Tea was discovered by European explorers over 300 years ago in a specific mountain region of South Africa and was not widely available until the early 1990’s when sanctions on South African products were lifted at the end of the apartheid regime. It’s now a trendy sip–that’s gaining popularity Nira Meslin, owner of The Rooibos Tea House, located in Southern California says there’s plenty of the health benefits– it has been used to treat insomnia, mild depression, excellent for digestion and for the skin. I must say–it tastes great and really does have a relaxing effect on me. Every night, my husband an I unwind with a cup of this tea. I also started using some red tea beauty products and I absolutely adore it. If you want to take a sip or try it–go to www.africanredtea.com

So these are my current favorite things and I’ll be writing up some more items–tried and true. I’d love to hear about YOUR favorite things. Drop me a line and tell me about it!

(Long Island, N.Y.) Want a really good read this summer? Pick up Bad Girls Club but be warned: you won’t be able to put it down. Author Judy Gregerson’s intense book takes readers into the mind of sixteen-year-old Destiny. Her troubles are not about boys, gossip or making friends—her issues are deeper and darker than the average teen:

• What if your mother wanted your little sister dead and you were the only one who could stop her?
• What if you had a plan to save her, but you had long ago been silenced by your family?
• What would you do then?

All unsettling and haunting questions. Destiny wants desperately to just be normal again. Like many teens, she wants to be loved, heard, and supported. But most of all—she wants her mother back and desperately tries to save her from the mental illness that tore her away and is ripping apart her family. And in the midst of school and her boyfriend (who just doesn’t understand what she’s dealing with at home), Destiny holds a secret: something her mother did at Crater Lake to her little sister Cassidy. She hides her shame underneath baggy clothes and hooded sweatshirts. She’s left to wrestle with a horrible truth that needs to be told. But at what cost?

Think it can’t happen in this day and age? Think again. The nightly news in recent years proves it can and it does. What really goes on in the mind of an abused and abandoned teen? Gregerson, who wrote Bag Girls Club in a span of seven years, taps into the deepest longings of a girl faced with her mother’s mental illness and all the self punishment that goes along with it. I recently caught up with Gregerson to chat about her new young adult novel.

First—you’re from Long Island! Where did you grow up and where do you live now?

I was born in Greenport and grew up in Southold. As I look back, I can see that it was an ideal place to grow up. Small, New Englandish town, everyone knew everyone. I had a great high school experience because the kids I went to high school with I’d known all my life. Our summers were spent on the water and my father rebuilt an old cabin cruiser (it was totally rotten) and we went to Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Cape Cod. Now I live north of Seattle, again near the water because I don’t think I could ever leave it.

I know your family has an intriguing history–especially your father. Can you tell me more about that?

My father was a model and he was on the cover of Life Magazine in 1961. Our family did a spread on fallout shelters around the time of the Cuban Crisis and he got to wear a fallout suit for the cover shot. He also modeled for Viceroy cigarettes, Metropolitan Life, Dial Soap, Remington Shotgun Shells, and many more. My sister did Pepsi ads. And all this was because a modeling agent came up to my dad in Lindy’s Restaurant in Brooklyn and asked him if he could make him famous.

My father also spearheaded the scallop industry in Peconic Bay. He organized baymen and turned what was nothing into a real money making venture for a lot of people. I know he was very proud of that. In fact, I spent most of my childhood shucking scallops in our garage. Later he went into the lobster business, also, and was one of the well known wholesalers in the area. My brother is still in the business in Southold.

Bad Girls Club touched me on so may levels. How did you come up with the premise for such a moving story?

The idea came from two places. First, it came from a story a man told me back in 1998. He was selling his mom’s house (she had died) and he was very unwound about the whole thing. I came to find out that when he was five and his brother was three, his mom had locked them in the house, set it on fire, and left them there to die. When he told me the story, I just stood there and cried because I’d never heard of such a thing. Then came the stories of Susan Smith and Andrea Yates.

The idea that a mother would want to hurt her own children absolutely horrified me. But what horrified me more was that children actually lived with parents like that. Do you know that approximately 1500 children are killed a year by someone they know, usually family, but one third are killed by their mothers? What kind of person could do that, that’s what I wanted to know. And then I started thinking about children who lived in situations like that and I started to wonder how they would find ways to survive if they had a mother like that. That’s how the story started. It grew and changed over the years and became the story of a teenage girl who knew what her mother wanted to do and who spent her whole life trying to hold her mother together so she wouldn’t kill anymore.

How much of Bad Girls Club comes from your own pain. Can you share a little about that?

I grew up in the perfect home. At least on the outside. It you stood on the outside and looked in, you’d think, “Wow, what a wonderful family.” From the inside it was a different story. My parents were both alcoholics. My father managed to “control” it, I never realized as a kid that he was drunk. But my mother was one of those people who, after having two drinks, was basically on her lips. And she was also one of those people who couldn’t do it long term, so she disintegrated one summer, right before my eyes, and was taken away, never to return.

The pain of losing my mother, the horror of having my whole family fall apart, was devastating. In the midst of all that, my brother had a car accident and the front of his skull was crushed in. He was in Huntington Hospital for almost a month and had several brain surgeries. I think that as a kid I suffered so much loss that it was easy for me to draw from that when writing this story. I was so alone and so scared most of my childhood that I really understood how my main character would feel.

I’ll admit–I cried many times reading your novel. I wanted to hold my kids close and tell them how loved they are. How are other parents responding to this book?

I have had two phone calls by very teary women. One called to tell me that she had seen herself in the characters and that she realized she had been very hard on her kids and she thanked me for writing the book and showing her how the cycle of abuse works from generation to generation. It opened her eyes to what she learned from her mother about how you treat kids – some of it not very good – and she told me that she was going to change her life immediately.

I got a letter from a psychologist in NY who said that he was recommending that this book be put in every middle and high school health class and that all young adults read it. I’ve heard from teachers who are telling me it’s better than A Child Called It, because it explains why people abuse and how it is a generational problem. Other parents have told me that it has opened their eyes to what living in a situation like that is like and that the story was so real to them that they couldn’t put it down, that they were called back again and again by the main character to finish the story.

I understand the National Association of School Psychologists is reviewing your book in their fall issue of “School Psychology Review”. Are you hoping to shed some light on mental illness?

I am hoping to put a face to the stories you hear in the news about parents who lock their kids in cages, starve them, and otherwise abuse them. I want those kids to have a voice. I want the world to know that these kids exist, that their lives are hell, and that there are resources out there to help them. As a child, I had wished that someone would get me out of my situation, but no one did. Not until I was seventeen. The trauma that is imprinted on the minds of children who live in these awful situations can take a lifetime to overcome if they aren’t helped, and I want to put out the call to help them. They need a voice and I want to be that voice.

I’m available to speak to schools and libraries, parenting groups or other associations. As a survivor of childhood trauma and abuse, I can well speak on the subject. I would really like to build myself a nice little niche of speaking engagements and radio talks. That’s my goal over the next year.

• Get a copy: Bad Girls Club by Judy Gregerson is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online or through any bookseller.
• Win a copy: It’s simple! Just go to www.judygregerson.com email Judy from there with “Long Island Exchange” in the subject line, and enter to win a free ARC.

(Long Island, N.Y.) A bad haircut can equal big problems. I once got a haircut so awful, I left the salon in tears and wore my hair up in a ponytail for weeks. So how can you avoid a botched job and wanting to hide out in your house for weeks? Communication is key.Your hair stylist is not a mind reader (or a magician) and if you want the perfect cut, you’ll need to team up and talk it out. Here’s how:

1. Learn the Lingo. Nope, you won’t be quizzed on this but knowing some basic terms can help you communicate. For instance: A Blunt Cut, is an even cut–straight across that works best on straight hair. Long Layers can give your hair fullness and movement and looks great when they in front and around your face (Face Frame). Not quite sure what a Bob is ? No worries, just ask for a detailed explanation.

2. Show-N-Tell. Bring a photo with you. Scan a magazine a tear out a ‘do’ you adore.This will give your stylist a crystal-clear vision of what you want. (Remember, some celebs get primped for hours so be realistic!) You can find fab photos anywhere. Browse your own albums for ideas or take a digital picture of a friend whose look you love. Take the printout, the camera, or her with you.

3. Look Before You Leap. If you’re feeling gutsy and going for an edgy cut your stylist suggested, ask to see an example. Most salons have magazines and hairstyle books on hand. Take a peek at something similar before you dive into anything too drastic. Seek out a second opinion and make sure you really think it out before they get scissor-happy.

4. Ask The Expert. Stylist really know their stuff, so go on–ask away: What kind of cut will be most flattering for the shape of my face? Is it versatile ? Easy to style? What products or tools will I need? How often do I need to maintain it? Can I still pull it back in a pony?

5. You’re The Expert, Too. That’s right. You’ve been living with your hair forever and honestly, you know it best. Trust your own instincts and make sure you tell the stylist things they might not know like; how you like to part your hair, how much time you like to spend fixing it, if it tends to get frizzy.

6. Speak Up Don’t be shy. That a big problem when you’re in “the chair”. We tend to give up all our control. It’s your hair and you shouldn’t feel bad to ask for exactly what you want. If you just want a simple trim don’t feel bullied into getting bangs. If you’re not comfortable with your stylist suggestions, just say so, loud and clear–before they start snipping!

(Long Island, N.Y.) When my precious package was delivered by my UPS man, I was more than willing to greet him with a smile. I swore I would never let him see my face again since my “pajama malfunction”. (My daughter lifted up my shirt, exposing my nipple while signing for a package months earlier). But I greeted him at the door, and let him place the holy brown box in my hand. Behold- my miracle came 2-day Express. It’s my 195 dollar, jar of Crème de la Mer. Skin salvation…plus free shipping and handling.

How I learned about this pricey face cream is still a mystery to me. Did I read about it in a magazine? See it on TV? Did a long-passed relative visit me in a dream and whisper the words: La Mer? I honestly can’t remember, but somehow I got it in my crazy little head that the stuff would work miracles for my pimpled, scarred, sun damaged skin.

A couple of years ago, (before kids!) I was charging through the mall doing last minute Christmas shopping, when something slowed my pace; the La Mer display at Neiman Marcus. The counter was all aglow, as if the star of Bethlehem hung poised above it.

“Hello. Can I tell you about La Mer?” asked a beautiful sales woman, who seemed to sneak up beside me.

I didn’t say a word, but my wide eyes must have answered her perfectly. She briefly described all the products in the line, and suggested I give their legendary face cream a try. La Mer was developed by a NASA scientist and is a big hit with celebrities and the rich and famous. She handed me her card, and a sample to take home. “You had me at hello,” I joked and without a quiver in my voice said, “I’ll take the 2 ounce jar.” I reached into my wallet, pulled out a wad of hundreds and started to peel them back, as if to say: “Oh yeah, there’s plenty more where they came from.”

Actually, there wasn’t. That rock-star wad was my rent money. Even though I was spending like Paris Hilton, I didn’t realize I would soon look her like too, from having to eat Cheerios a la carte for dinner for the next three weeks. But in that moment, I felt rich! I hurried out of the mall, practically tore the box open with my teeth, and applied Crème de la Mer, there in the parking lot. I drove home in my rickety car, feeling like royalty. It was everything I dreamed it would be. Soon, all other moisturizers became mere mortals next to La Mer. My scars faded, not a pimple in sight, and by gosh, I think even my lips got fuller.

My sister told me that I could find my costly cream on the Internet for $50 . My response? Nope. No way. Nothing makes the heart beat faster, and the skin more radiant, than the purchase of something stupidly expensive. (It must activate a secret “bling” hormone.)

I recently had to go without my beloved cream for a couple of months. I walked around the house shrieking like the wicked witch of the west: “I’m melting. M-e-l-t-i-n-g! Thank goodness, my husband (who’s all about an occasional splurge if it makes you feel good) calmly assured me, my face is defiantly not melting, and my precious Crème de la Mer is on its way. The stuff really worked wonders for me.

(Long Island, N.Y.) I’m not exactly sure how or when I first heard the term “random acts of kindness”. It was many years ago–long before the movie Pay It Forward and outward signs of sincerity towards strangers was considered chic. All I know is one day I was living my life with a sense of entitlement, feeling as if I’m on the cusps of greatness–and the world owed me something. Then next: I’m pulling up to a toll booth on the Garden State Parkway, craning my neck out of my car window about to do something way out of character.

“Hi. You’re going to think this is totally nuts, but I’d like to pay for the next ten cars behind me.”

“Excuse me?” asked the toll collector

“I had a horrible day,” I explained to the perplexed man. “So I’d like to pay for the next ten cars. $3.50, right?

“Um, right,” he said with a strange smile. “I must say, this is a first for me. Are you sure?”

“Yep, positive.” The poor guy looked delightfully confused and asked who he should say it’s from.

“Just say: Janene said to have a happy day.” I replied and handed him three crinkled dollars and two quarters.

As I pulled away, I felt an excitement I haven’t felt in years. Peeking into my rearview mirror, I imagined the reactions of the cars lined up behind me (probably annoyed I was taking so long at the booth). Driving alone in my car on one of the worst days of my life, my face was hurting from smiling.

Soon after my odd little toll gesture, a car catching up beside me started beeping and three passengers inside were waving. I guessed the toll-collector said: “Janene (the girl in the red mustang) said to have a happy day.” And I was right because the next ten minutes up the parkway, others cars caught up, beeping, waving, rolling down their windows and shouting thanks. (Okay, maybe I was driving a little slow to let them catch up.)

Now who would have guessed that three crumbled dollars could buy me out of depression. Did it really make a solemn day joyous? Yes, it did. That random act of kindness (which was not planned, the idea came to me when I was digging in my wallet for toll money) was by far the best money I’ve ever spent for a pick-me-up. I promised myself I’d make a habit out of RAK’s (random acts of kindness) and do them often.

But that didn’t really happen. I guess I forgot how good it felt. Life took over: marriage, kids– way too busy/frazzled/distracted to take the time to go out of my way.

Until recently.

I was waiting on a long line at the grocery store and annoyed at the slow cashier. The customers in front of me were huffing and puffing and shaking their heads. My daughter was getting antsy in the cart and wanted to escape and I thought: “Common, I have a million things to do today.”

Finally, when it was my turn, I noticed the cashier’s hands as he scanning my soup–were shaking. Without thinking, I gently place my hand over his for a second and when he looked up, I smiled. Our eyes locked for a moment and he smiled back.Then the strangest thing: the 40-something-year-old man began to cry.

“My damn hearing-aid isn’t working. I can’t hear right today and everyone is being so mean,” he said.

“Don’t worry what anyone thinks,” I said. ” Just be happy.”

I don’t think he heard me, nor do I think he was crying from all the mean people he checked out that day. I think he was crying— because I was kind. As I walked out of the grocery store I felt the same euphoria I did on the parkway years back.

So it got me thinking of all the times I was that snippy, mean customer. I’m not quite sure what made me snap out of my own frustration to reach out and touch a stranger–but I’m grateful I did because I was the one most touched. It’s amazing how a simple smile and a little patience brought a man to tears. He taught me a powerful lesson: There should be nothing random about kindness.

Long Island musicians band together to honor a legend and find a cure

(Long Island, N.Y.) I grew up in Freehold NJ and often when I tell someone, the first thing that they say is: “Hey, Isn’t that where Bruce Springsteen is from?” Yep–and no I’ve never met him. Now that I live on Long Island, I have gotten the Billy Joel question. (Yep, and no I’ve never met him!) But I am a big fan and whenever I hear a feel-good song of his, it bring back such memories.

One local band, “Captain Jack” is a fun way to walk down memory lane and listen to the tunes that we all have come to know and love. Captain Jack, a professional five-piece group that performs the music of Billy Joel, works the club circuit, fund raisers, private parties and other venues. They recently created an event–for a great cause. I asked Michael Lipiner (the Billy Joel of the group) a little bit about their recent fundraising event and how NY’s ultimate tribute band all began.

Long Island Exchange: You recently had an event to create cancer awareness and raise funds for research. Can you tell me about it?

Lipiner: The Concert For A Cure event in Oyster Bay was incredible. The turnout was great and it was a wonderful opportunity to raise money for such an important cause. We began raising money through ticket sales and private donations for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society months before the event. Since the concert ended, we have been talking with a few organizations about helping to raise awareness and funds for similar, important causes. We featured Marc Shapiro on drums at the event, who is a survivor of Hodgkin’s Disease. Thankfully, Marc is doing well and playing his heart out with us from time to time.

What a wonderful thing to be able to help such an important cause. So, I’d love to know about your band’s beginning. How did Captain Jack get started?

I started “Captain Jack” in June of 2006 when the band that Marc Shapiro and I had been playing in disbanded. First, I’d like to mention that I grew up on Long Island loving Billy Joel (who doesn’t?!) As a kid, my father and I used to listen to his records. By the time I was 10 years old, I could play almost all of his songs on the piano and sing every word. So, last year, I thought it would be fun to put together a tribute group to honor who I consider to be one of the greatest songwriters of our time.

How did you come up with the name for the band?

I pitched around a few names but settled on “Captain Jack” because it is easy to remember and contains so many Billy Joel references about hanging out on Long Island, which is where we all live.

What was it like—making the band? How did you all come together?

While searching for musicians, I came across Harry Wilner, a guitarist/vocalist who answered my online ad. We instantly clicked and very soon drummer Sal DiMarco answered my ad. Sal grew up with Liberty Devitto and sounds very much like him – fills and all. Since Marc could only commit part-time to the group, Sal began taking on more and more shows.

Within time, we found bassist Mike Rickert and Zach Goodman, a jack-of-all-trades who plays everything, including the kitchen sink: bass, keys, and even eclectic instruments. I may be saving the best for last when I mention our saxophonist Andrew Segale, a music teacher who has a lot of experience working with brass/woodwind instruments and percussion. Andy was a real find considering that he enjoys taking center stage (like Richie Cannata and Mark Rivera) and playing the hell out of his sax for the crowd, who sometimes seem to enjoy him more than me (laughs)!

Have you ever met Billy Joel?

I actually met Billy Joel in the early ‘80’s as a kid. My father and I decided one morning to go to a McDonald’s in Syosset. While standing on line, my father instantly spotted The Piano Man dressed in a jean jacket and sporting a ‘fro. He looked more like a biker than a rock star. My father asked me

if I knew who he was and Billy heard him, looked down at me, and smiled.

After getting a hamburger (to my amazement no one even recognized him!), Billy proceeded outside but I was too shy to talk to him. My father did for about 10 minutes and told him I was just learning to play piano. He asked for advice and Billy answered, “Just tell your son to practice,” before leaving on his Harley. It was wild!

We tried to invite Billy down to the cancer fundraiser event but he was on tour. Liberty DeVitto and Billy’s daughter, Alexa Ray, expressed interest but had to decline, as well, due to other commitments. Of course, the stage is always open for Billy and any of his past/present bandmates.

What’s your favorite Billy Joel song to perform?

We enjoy performing many songs but some favorites that come to my mind are Zanzibar, Prelude/Angry Young Man, Stiletto, Get It Right The First Time, Rosalinda’s Eyes, Running On Ice, and Root Beer Rag because of the intricacies of the chords, rhythm, etc. As much as we enjoy seeing the crowd go crazy for his more popular songs like Only The Good Die Young and Scenes
From An Italian Restaurant, performing the B-sides can be more fun for us musicians. I also enjoy playing solo piano tunes like Souvenir, And So It Goes, and Lullabye.

Do you play anything else?

We perform other timeless hits from artists like Elton John, Maroon Five, The Beatles, Stones, the Doobies, Clapton, etc. to mix it up a bit. Everything depends on reading the crowd. That is why we send out a request
sheet and sense their mood to keep everyone “feeling all right.”

You sound like you’re really having a blast!

When I started this group, I never imagined that it would take off like this. It’s been amazing, fun, and incredible to see Billy’s music still speak to so many people, including a younger generation. Although we mostly play out on Long Island, we will soon branch out to places outside of New York. Our fans are great and we’re looking forward to pleasing more and more audiences with the Piano Man’s repertoire.

If you’d like to learn more about Captain Jack, check out videos, audio
samples, pictures, and find info on upcoming shows: www.myspace.com/captainjackli