(Long Island, N.Y.) If you have kids who love music, then you might already know all about Brady Rymer–or his fantastic music. If you haven’t heard about him, here’s the deal: Super-popular kids’ musician Brady Rymer was a founding member of the RCA roots/rock band From Good Homes, and he toured and recorded with them for thirteen years – sharing the stage with the likes of Bob Dylan and Dave Matthews –before parenthood brought him off the road and into the world of children’s music.

Since 2000, when Brady released his first kids’ CD, ‘Good Morning, Gus,’ he has risen steadily in the ranks of children’s performing artists, accumulating honors from Parents’ Choice, National Parenting Publications Association, Publisher’s Weekly, Dr. Toy, and iParenting Media for his CDs, ‘Look at My Belly,’ ‘I Found It!’ and ‘Every Day Is A Birthday.’ The New York Times proclaimed, “In the space of four CD’s, starting in 2000, Mr. Rymer has carved a niche for himself as a jam-band musician for the short-pants set.”

Brady performs for families throughout the country with his Little Band That Could, rocking out with good-times musical celebrations filled with a powerful love and respect for children. I caught up with Brady recently and asked him some questions about his life, his music and the fun of having a really awesome “job”– making kids and parents smile all across the country.

How long have you been a kids’ musician, and what led you to pursue this?

I started around ten years ago when my son Gus was born. I started writing songs for him – actually without knowing it – I couldn’t really figure out what the new songs were about – you know words like, home, nest, good morning, were popping up in a new batch of songs and then I realized I was writing about becoming a dad, having a boy and growing into a family with my wife!!!

After I had a bunch of songs, I asked my buddy to help me record them, hoping to put together a gift for my son and family – you know, a CD for the holidays kind of thing – but as we started to meet other people with new families I played them around and got real good feedback – and well, I didn’t really know there was a genre of children’s music and had never ever expected to get into it but there I was with a CD and a whole new road ahead of me.

What’s the best part of your job?

There are a few best parts – one, playing live and having everyone singing and dancing along to the music. Being on stage and feeling happy and knowing that the audience is feeling that way too. Also recording – I love being in the studio and recording the music. Playing the guitars, sometime the bass and singing is an incredibly fun way to pass the time!

So, tell me a little bit about your musical career. I hear you shared the stage with some great names.

Yes, I’ve been fortunate in that sense! The rock band that I helped start and played bass with was signed to RCA records from 1992-1998 roughly and in that time we toured the USA twice and shared the bill with Bob Dylan, David Crosby, David Byrne, Dave Matthews Band, Joan Osborne and then for two tours, Bob Weir of the Grateful Dead (one of my musical heroes!) From Good Homes was a real special band, friends from high school, and basically we all learned to play our instruments together – so we really knew each other musically and really enjoyed playing together live.

I still find that what I do with kids & families is very similar to my days with FGH – playing music organically with musicians and trying to create a real positive, happy, loving energy. I really am thankful for this new career as a kid’s musician and I feel that it’s a perfect match for my music.

What’s your kids’ reaction to seeing you on stage?

I think they like it. I try not to emphasize it too much. I want it to be just another job to them – like daddy’s going to work, doing something that he enjoys and expressing who he is; it just so happens that it’s on a stage in front of people. They have come to call me “sweaty boy” after shows.

Your new music video, “I Found It!” was shot entirely at your home in Southold. What was that like?

Beautiful chaos! It was one of the most fun days ever!

I know you tour throughout the country with your Little Band That Could, but what’s it like to perform here on Long Island?

There’s always an added bit of excitement when you perform on your home turf. And a bit more at stake. I always want the shows to get better and better and you need to keep making them different for your local fans who have probably seen you more that anyone else.

My little ones love your music! They rocked out and nearly danced themselves silly. I’d love to take them to your next show. Can you tell me a little bit about your upcoming performances?

So glad your kids like the music! Our next show is at the Westhampton beach performing arts center, which is an absolutely wonderful place to see a concert – lights, great sound, plenty of room to dance! I’ll be playing with a full band – backup singers, mandolin, accordion, keyboards, drums and bass and we’ll be playing old and newer favorites, as well as some brand-new ones that we are in the middle of recording for a new record, which I’ll release, with any luck, this summer.

The show will certainly be an opportunity for you and your kids to dance and sing themselves silly!!! And for a really fun treat, at he start of the show, you’ll be able to premiere out video– a special way to start out the concert.

Want to find out where Brady is performing next? Check out http://bradyrymer.com

(Long Island, N.Y.) Many years ago, I came up with the perfect gift for my parents—A VHS of their lives. (Yes, It was a video tape, I said it was many years ago!) In the attic, I found a dusty bag of old eight millimeters my parents took when I was a kid and scoured the streets of NYC to find a place to have them restored and transferred. And that was the easy part.

With a box of photos from their wedding and beyond, I rented space in an editing studio, learned how to use the equipment, and churned out a Christmas surprise: an hour long video that brought my parents to tears. But making it nearly brought me to tears. I was too scared to trust just anyone to do it, so hundreds of dollars and hours later—I managed to do it myself.

Fast forward: A few weeks ago, I inserted a DVD given to me by my son’s preschool—and in minutes, I’m in tears. It’s my son’s first months at his school, so beautifully done, on a DVD set to music. It was an amazing gift, so naturally, I wanted more and thought how wonderful a gift this would make for my husband, the grandparents—even myself!

Sure, there’s tons of photo story software out there, but quite frankly, I just don’t have the time to learn it and I know it would just become another “project” languishing forever on my to-do list. (My two-year-old daughter will be posing for prom pictures by the time I got to it.)

So, I tracked down the creator of the DVD, Long Island resident, Jessica Anziano, of Jessica’s Creations (www.jessicascreations.net) to learn more about her touching work.

Long Island Exchange: I must admit, I’m very impressed! How did you get started making your creations? What inspired you?

Anziano: Thank you! I started making “mini movies” of my daughter, Sarah, for my sister who lives in Florida, so she could see her niece growing up! Family is what really inspires me. My biggest and most important movie was for my Mom’s birthday. I wanted to make a movie of her life so far. It starts out with pictures from when she was just a baby all the way to her first granddaughter! I told my friend about my “creation” and she wanted one for her dad’s birthday!

Then we went on vacation to Niagara Falls with our family and another family. I took all the pictures from when we went, and put them into a movie! I showed my friends and they wanted one! The next thing you know, I was making movies for everyone for every occasion and they all said, “You should go into business!” So here I am!

I was in tears after I watched the DVD of my son. You must get an overwhelming reaction from your clients when they first watch your work/their life. That must make you feel so good.

Yes! I absolutely love the reaction I get from my client. It makes me feel wonderful! I’m one of those people that can watch other people’s home movies and enjoy them. When I am working on creations– I treat them as if they were for my own family.

I’m SOOO not a control freak—but I know many people who are. So if you’re creating a DVD for someone, how much control can they have on the finished product.

When I’m creating a DVD for a client they can have as much or as little control as they’d like! Most everything that goes into a creation is optional and if you do like to make decisions, I’ve got plenty for you. If you don’t- then leave it up to me! I’ve done enough creations to figure out what works best.

Do you choose the music? Take suggestions? Would you mind if I handed you a box of pictures and said “Oh, just surprise me!”

I can choose the music, give you different song ideas to choose from, or you can write a list of what songs you would like! You can provide the music if you have it, and if not, most likely I can get it. As far as suggestions go, I’m always open. Lastly, if you handed me a box of pictures and said, “Oh, just surprise me!”, of course I would not mind, however most of my clients prefer some personal input for their creation.

I read on your site that a Father’s Day movie for dad, including 50 pictures, two special songs, a jewel case– is just $31.50 and I nearly fainted. (Please tell me that’s not a typo!) How long in advance do you need? Can I make it for Valentine’s Day?

No–it is NOT a typo! As far as needing advance notice, the sooner is always the better, but on average I would say at about 3 weeks. It really all depends on how long you are planning on your creation being. The shorter the creation, the quicker I’ll have it ready for you. But don’t worry- even if it’s last minute like up to the day before) I can always RUSH it for you! As far as Valentine’s Day goes, it’s over 6 weeks away. That’s plenty of time.

OK, how on earth do I organize all my pictures before I give them to you? Any last tips you can give me to make it all go smooth?

Organization is really all up to you. In most cases chronological order is best. For example: if you’re making a creation for a birthday, usually from birth on is good. In between you can do different chapters such as teen years, marriage, and each child after that. What’s great about chapters is, when you put the DVD on, there will be a menu page and you can start from the beginning or jump straight to what chapter you want to see.

Sometimes, though, the years seem to get jumbled in between. That’s Ok– you can come up with a title like: “Good Times”, put all the fun pictures in, and have “Celebration”, by Cool and the Gang playing in the background.

To make it all go smooth, my best suggestion is to make an appointment with me. It’s so much easier to go over all the details in person. At that time we can go over a questionnaire to give you more of an idea of what you will need to know and how to make everything as easy for you as possible.

(Long Island, N.Y.) It’s the most wonderful time of the year–but not for everybody. There’s tons of stress, pressure and running around from store to store/house to house, you might have forgotten one very big thing: Yourself. Yep, it’s very important to keep your emotional health in check. ‘Tis the season to be jolly but if you’re not—there really is terrific help out there.

The Suffolk County Psychological Association is producing Audio Podcasts to provide the public with access to the extensive skills, knowledge and abilities of local psychologists. Psychologists will be interviewed in their various areas of expertise, to educate the public about the field of mental health. This program is part of the Suffolk County Psychological Associations Public Education Campaign.

I recently asked Peter S. Kanaris, Ph.D., Public Education Coordinator of the Suffolk County Psychological Association, a few questions about the new Podcast series.

Long Island Exchange: Can you tell me briefly about your expertise and connection to The Suffolk County Psychological Association?

Kanaris: I am a Psychologist in Practice since 1981. My office is in Smithtown. I specialize in relationship and sex therapy. I also have a specialty in geriatrics. My passion has been in educating the public about the value of psychology especially through the use of the media. In this regard, I have served as the Coordinator for Public Education for Suffolk County Psychological Association since 1997.

I began serving in this capacity for the New York State Psychological Association at the start of 2006. In Suffolk we have run many successful community projects including Anti-Violence Initiative Day held yearly in many Long Island Schools. Our psychologists have given hundreds of interviews on featured topics and breaking news on TV and radio and in newspapers, magazines and the internet.

Your podcast series sounds amazing. What a great thing for Long Island residents. Can you tell me a little about what listeners can expect?

We will be regularly producing podcast shows called Psyched Up on a wide range of topics in mental health featuring our local expert psychologists. In addition to the one on Holiday Blues, we have shows on ADHD, Bipolar Disorder and Eating Disorders in development.

In the up coming year our focus will include Mind Body Health which emphasizes the important role that psychology and behavior plays not only in mental health but physical health as well. Dr. Richard Lustberg and Dr. Howard Gurr are the creative talents behind the production. They are not only accomplished psychologists, but along with me will be hosting the programs.

Your first (and current) Podcast released December 15th, addresses the many psychological and emotional issues associated with the holidays. Do you think during the rush of the holiday season, many people don’t take time to care for their emotional health?

During the Holidays the level of stress on people goes through the roof. Pressures of money, family, time demands and expectations can dominate the season. As a result it is common for us to neglect our emotional and physical health. Stress is an important health issue for everyone to take note of. Identifying healthy strategies for managing stress is critical to mind/body health..

My suggestion is for people to pay attention to what causes their stress and to find healthy ways of managing it. Everyone responds to their stress in some way. The key is handling stress in a manner that doesn’t make things worse.

I understand the public will be invited to submit their requests for specific shows and topics. How can we do this?

Just go to our website at www.suffolkpsych.org and click on the Suggest a Podcast Topic button.This will allow you to e-mail your request. You can also subscribe to the podcast series while you are there.

Again, it’s a great service to the public. Is it free? How do I get started?

The Podcasts are a free public service of Suffolk County Psychological Association.It is not meant as treatment, but rather education about the connection between mental and physical health. Again, to get started just go to www.suffolkpsych.org and click on the Podcast button to download the latest installment of Psyched Up.

(Long Island, N.Y.) I love giving gift cards. They’re so perfect for those “hmm what the heck would they want” gift recipients on your holiday shopping list. Why? Because I love getting them. I collect my stash of gift cards in my wallet and I really do think about the person who gave it to me when I proudly hand it off to the cashier. For the holidays, it’s often a win-win situation. Buying a gift card is simple and you don’t have to wonder if you’re gift will be used or, um regifted. Best of all, it’s something that will come handy once the holidays are over and everyone’s short on cash.

If you’re planning to go with some gift cards this year, you’re not alone: According to Research and advisory firm, TowerGroup, combined gift card sales in the U.S. will exceed US$80 billion in 2006 — a more than 20% increase over their 2005 level–$29 billion in retail alone.

They’re quick and easy, but not so fast….

The Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC) is warning consumers to check the terms and conditions carefully that apply to gift cards they buy or receive. They suggest consumers to make sure they have received disclosures on some of the important terms and conditions of the gift card they purchase, such as:

• The fees, if any, that apply to the gift card, including those that apply after the sale and reduce the value of the card
• The expiration date of the gift card
• The procedures to follow in the event a card is lost or stolen
• The locations at which the gift card can be used
• The procedures to follow in the event there are problems with the gift card

Now for some cool gift card ideas

For the hard-to-buy-for teen: Cingular offers a wide selection of ringtones ranging from alternative, classic rock, hip hop, R&B, pop, Latin, country tunes and more. Tone Cards are available in two increments at Cingular Wireless company-owned retail locations ($9.99 for four ringtones or graphics–$19.99 for eight ringtones or graphics) check it out: http://www.cingular.com/mediamall.

For the caffeine-junkie: Hey, why not give someone a coffee break? Starbucks Gift cards are an awesome way to perk up–anyone! And best of all, they’re really festive. Take a look: http://www.starbucks.com/card/purchasecard.asp

For the theatre-lover: Ticketmaster Gift Cards are available in denominations ranging from $25 to $250 and have no expiration date. Multiple Gift Cards may be redeemed toward a single purchase.To purchase Ticketmaster Gift Cards online and for additional information, please visit: http://www.ticketmaster.com/giftcards.
For the book-fanatic Yeah, there’s plenty of book lovers out there. (I’m one of them). But it’s really hard to buy a book for someone. How do you know if they already read it? Borders gift cards make a great gift for anyone really. They’ve got music and movies, too. Buy then here: http://giftcards.borders.com

For the adventure-seeker Now this is a really cool idea: A one-stop shopping site where you can get gadgets, telescopes, electronics and much more. According to the Discovery Channel store, “you can buy and redeem gift cards through DiscoveryStore.com, the Discovery Channel Catalog and Discovery Channel Stores or email an electronic gift certificate to a friend – your choice! “Cards and e-mail certificates are available in $5 increments of $25 or more and are not redeemable for cash. Discover it for yourself: http://shopping.discovery.com/category-1_GIFTCERT.html?topnav=gf-giftcards

For the beauty-product princess (or prince): Sephora has an incredible array of cosmetics, perfumes, luxury bath items. With brands like, Bliss, Benefit, Marc Jacobs and Philosophy, how can you go wrong? The Sephora Gift Card comes in a sleek, Swarovski crystal-adorned, dual-mirrored compact embossed with the Sephora logo, is available in denominations of $25 to $250 and can be redeemed in store, online, or through any of our catalogs. Go to: http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P37590&categoryId=B55&SubId=GCard

Feeling generous? American Airlines is making it easier and more convenient to give the perfect gift this holiday season or at any time of year. The American Airlines gift card is now available in any denomination between $50 and $1,500 when purchased on American’s Web site .Previously, American Airlines gift cards were sold in denominations of $50 or $100. Now, however, American is offering gift-givers who purchase gift cards through AA.com more choices by allowing them to choose any amount they wish to give (between $50 and $1,500), as well as how they want to give it — either as a traditional plastic gift card or a virtual gift card sent electronically. Visit http://www.aa.com/giftcard for more details.
Feeling VERY generous? The Four Seasons Gift Card is easy to purchase at www.fourseasons.com/giftcard In just a few moments, a recipient is identified, a dollar amount of $100, $250, $500, $1,000, $2,500, $5,000 is chosen, and a personal message composed.* Gift Cards at all values up to $100,000 are available for purchase in person, at Four Seasons properties around the world.

Still unsure? This site, CharityGiftCertificates.org is really amazing. The name says it all. You can learn all about it at: http://www.charitygiftcertificates.org

(Long Island, N.Y.) It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Well, not quite yet—but I did hear some holiday music on 106.7 Litefm.. Once I hear my first “Oh Holy Night”, I start to get that warm, fuzzy holiday feeling. And that means, I’m making a list of all the shopping I need to get done. I’d like to skip the malls this year and hit the net for all my gifts.

The idea of avoiding lines and parking problems is right up my alley. I would rather go “Windows” shopping in my pajamas at midnight. So what’s the best way to shop till you drop online? If you’d like to save money and time, there’s some really great comparison shopping sites that can help trigger-happy shoppers (like myself) save some money by actually comparing prices. I never have time or patience to scour the net for deals—and now I don’t have to.

Dealio or No Dealio?

Never heard of Dealio? If you like to shop online and save money, you might want to check it out. Dealio is a free toolbar you can install on your computer to help you never overpay online again by searching the inventories of more than 100,000 online merchants. Here’s something really cool: There’s a feature that will alert you when you to the lowest price when you are one click from overpaying for something online.

My main concern: Will it make your computer do weird things once you install it? Nope. Here’s what they have to say: “The Dealio Toolbar is not adware or spyware—it does not record individual Web movements or adversely affect system or Internet connection performance, and it does not generate pop-ups or any other advertising on a consumer’s computer.” OK–I’m sold: If you want to check it out visit, http://www.dealio.com

Super “Cyber Monday”

If you’re going to shop online, you should know that the Monday after Thanksgiving is BIGGEST day for online shopping. Much like Black Friday, when shoppers hear the call of the mall, Cyber Monday is when the most hit the net for their holiday gift buying. (The term was coined last year by Shop.org, a division of the National Retail Federation.)

According to their site, “CyberMonday.com is a one-stop shop for consumers to find the best Cyber Monday promotions. Nearly 400 well-known online retailers are promoting special savings and discounts for shoppers.” If you’re looking for great deals, this is a perfect place to kick-start your holidayshopping spree: http://www.cybermonday.com

Pregnant? Know someone who is? Read on….

(Long Island, N.Y.) You’re finally just got over the shock, nausea, and your giddy about the fact that you don’t look fat–your showing! This is the time everything just kind of settles in nice. You’ve come to accept the fact that you’re never agree on a baby name–and reality is fast approaching: PARENTHOOD.

Now is the perfect time to head off on your babymoon. What’s a babymoon? The best way to describe it: Your last exit to free time. A fun getaway taken around the second trimester (when that glow and energy starts to kick in) to places that might not be too stroller-friendly. Babymoons are, well, very trendy these days. Taking one is great way to help pre-pamper the soon-to-be parents.

Some Solid Bonding.

You two lovebirds are going to need it. For new parents, when baby is “on board”, romance takes the back seat. There’s going to be tons of things vying for your attention. So, while you’re still on a first name basis, might want to book a special trip where you can focus on each other.

Book it: It’s your last hurrah—so check out their babymoon package in Florida: http://www.casamonica.com

Best Friends Forever.

You know your best friend, the one you secretly told you were pregnant before anyone else? Well, since you’re going to be pretty busy in the coming months, why not lose the husband (oh, you’ll be seeing enough of each other!) and take her on a spa-valous weekend getaway. In a recent study, 82% of women across the country said they wish they could spend more time with their girlfriends.

Book it: You’re free time will soon be gobbled up–so grab your favorite gal—and get going.Want some really great ideas on where to go/what to do? Check out: http://www.babymoonfinder.com

Daddy’s Gone A’ Golfing

Sure, the soon-to-be doting dad-on-call would love one of those ‘baby on board’ signs–but if you really want to score some ‘get out of diapering’ points–why give him a gift he’ll go nuts about: a great guy getaway. Add a few rounds of golf and you just scored 10 no-complaint midnight feedings. (Not even a grumble.)

Book it: For some good old fashion male bonding, check out Cranwell Resort, Spa &Golf Club.( http://www.cranwell.com). Your hubby and a few of his friends can hone their skills at Cranwell’s award winning golf school rated by Zagat as one of America’s top Golf courses. Plus–there’s even great spa treatments the guys can indulge in. (OK–make that 20 midnight feedings.)

Go Solo (Well, sort of).

If you’ve never experienced a trip all by your lonesome–now’s the time! We’re not talking Tahiti here. Maybe there’s a day spa in your area, or a great bed and breakfast you’ve been dying to go to. Give yourself the silent treatment. Pack some juicy reads–not baby books–you’ve read them all already.

Book it: To find some great spas in your area, try: http://www.spafinder.com

(Long Island, N.Y.) Moms with babies often times feel out of touch and out of the loop. When I caught myself singing the ‘Higglytown Hero’ song out loud in the car—driving by myself, I knew it was time for a reality check. And what I realized is, I really need to get out more. A class, a group — anything! So I started looking into all the activities available on Long Island for both myself and my two-year old. I found tons of ads for “Mommy and Me” classes. But which one do I choose? Is it worth it? Will my daughter (who can’t sit quiet for more than three minutes) get us both cast out of the class?

To help sort things out, I asked Cristina DelGuidice, certified preschool teacher and mother of two who teaches a “Mommy and Me “class at the Mothers’ Center in Northport www.northportmotherscenter.org

(Embarrassed to say), I’ve never signed up my kids for a Mommy and Me class. Can you tell me a little bit about what goes on in a typical class?

Well it depends on what kind of Mommy and Me class it is and what you are looking for. There are so many out there. You can have an art class, music class, movement class, yoga class or a story time group. The class I’m teaching now, starts off with some kind of free play for 15 minutes. This allows the child to get used to the surrounding and other kids. Next we have circle time, where we sing a couple of songs and read a book. After circle we do an art project. Then we do some kind of movement ( dance, parachute etc.) Last I usually end with the bubble machine. The kids love the bubble machine.

What ages are the classes designed for?

The ages can vary. The class I’m presently teaching is 15-24 months. The children can be as young as six months old or as old as four and five. The first class I took with my daughter was a Gymboree class and she was eight-months.

So, what are some great things kids can get out of going to Mommy and Me classes?

Mommy and Me Classes provide the opportunity for children as young as six months old to socialize with other adults and children. I think it’s great for children to learn to be around other people besides their immediate family. It makes new situations or environments less scary for them.

It also exposes them to so much; depending on the class you take. My son and I took a music class and it truly taught him about rhythms, beats, instruments and music from around the world. In art classes they learn about using different mediums ( paints, crayons,markers, ) to create their own masterpiece. My favorite has been the Mommy and Me yoga class. My kids have learned about breathing. balancing and concentrating. I use the breathing techniques when they start to have a “melt down”. It really helps them to calm down.

It also teaches children how to transition from one activity to another. When they are very young it’s difficult for them to go from one activity to another but, after a few weeks of doing it in a class it’s amazing how they learn.

What about the moms? Is it a great opportunity to make new friends?

It’s a great way for moms to make new friends and compare notes. After seeing someone week after week you definitely develop a relationship. One of my closest friends I met at my first Mommy and Me class when my daughter was eight months old, and now she’s four and a half.

OK, this may be dumb-dumb question—what about daddy? Can dads take their kids to the classes, too?

Dads do take their children to these classes. They even have Daddy and Me classes on the weekends. My husband took my daughter on Saturday mornings. He loved it and so did she. It was their alone time together while I was with my son at music class.

I was always hesitant in signing up my son because he was, how should I put this, “spirited” and I was afraid he would not sit quiet or play nice. What would you say to a mom who might have a similar spirited child but would like to try something new?

My son was the one on the slide while the teacher was at circle time. As a teacher it was a struggle for me to let him do his own thing ( as the teacher encouraged ). I wasn’t paying all this money for him to run amuck. It took awhile but he learned to transition from play time to story time. It’s all up to the child. When they are ready developmentally they will do it.

I would encourage moms with ‘spirited’ children to definitely sign up for a class. Not every child is going to sit down and listen to a story. An active child might need a gymnastics class or a class where they can move around.You want them to experience how to transition from one activity to another. This is one of the ways to do it.

Any advice you can offer a new mom, who may be overwhelmed by her new responsibilities and feeling cut off from the rest of the world?

Join something, whether it be at the library, Jamboree or a mom’s group. All moms need other moms to support each other. I met my closest friends at the mom’s group I joined 4 years ago. I have learned so much from The Mothers’ Center, not just kid stuff. It was through the Mothers’ Center that I learned about yoga. They were offering a class and I was hooked. And now that my children are in pre-school I’m teaching a Mommy and Me class at the center. It has been a great experience for me.

A Conversation About…Alzheimer’s Disease

(Long Island, N.Y.) If you think you can disregard Alzheimer’s disease as something that doesn’t effect you, you might want to think again: According to the Long Island Alzheimer’s Foundation, it is estimated that 135,000 individuals in Nassau, Suffolk, Queens and Brooklyn currently have Alzheimer’s disease and this number will soar nearly 25 percent to an estimated 169,000 by 2020.

Another alarming statistic: Close to 500,000 New Yorkers will have Alzheimer’s disease by the end of the decade. Although we tend to think of this disease as effecting only the elderly, but some people can develop symptoms as early as the age of 40.

I recently spoke with Barbara Vogel, Director of Social Work at Long Island Alzheimer’s Foundation about this devastating disease.

Long Island Exchange: From your experience, what’s the most common myth about Alzheimer’s Disease?
 Vogel: That it’s just a little memory loss—and there couldn’t be anything even farther from the truth.

What is the truth?
The truth is, it is a devastating, insidious, degenerative cognitive illness that starts off certainly with memory loss and develops into people being unable to care for themselves in any way, shape or form. They have trouble with what we call ADL’s (activities of daily living) which include: dressing, bathing, eating, meal preparation, paying bills. It impacts every facet of their lives, as well as it impacts the entire family like no other illness I have ever seen.

For a family who has a relative who has been recently diagnoses—scared to death about the road ahead—what’s your advice?
Call us. Find out who we are, get involved with our support groups and educational programs. Know that we have programs that can assist the diagnosed person at every level. From the early stage right through the advanced stages. We are very well connected to ALL the spheres that need to be addressed.

What do you think would be the biggest fear for a family faced with this disease?
The biggest fear would be that they are not going to be able to afford the care that is going to be required, because usually the kind of care that is required is what we call custodial care: That is, supervision and assistance with their ADL’s. And none of the entitlement programs provide for that until we get to the Medicaid level.

There must be many levels of fears.
There’s also a stigma. A huge stigma that goes along with any illness that strikes that organ. Any illness that strikes the brain there is an unspoken belief that if people tried harder or were stronger in character—that they’d be OK. When in fact, this is an illness like any other. Whether it strikes your heart, liver, lungs– the brain is another organ that’s just as susceptible to illness. And these are real illnesses. These are nothing that people can control.

Is that a common misconception—that you can control it?
Yes. I hear it from caregivers who are living with someone who has Alzheimer’s who’ll say, “You know, if they only tried harder they can do better”. And my answer is always, “If they could they would. They can’t try harder. You have to accept the limitations here.”

Do you think what families faced with this illness really need…is a shoulder?
They need a shoulder. What we do here at the foundation: We are in the business of holding hands. We are on staff at many of the larger geriatric offices around the North Shore where people can come in with their loved ones when they notice “something weird is going on with dad” and have the diagnostic work done.

We’re there to meet them when they receive this bombshell and establish with them what we hope will be a therapeutic relationship where we can journey with them as they go down the road with this illness.

When someone suspects their loved one (a grandparent, mom, dad, spouse) may have Alzheimer’s disease, do you think there is often hesitation to get tested and make it official with a diagnose?
Absolutely. I have people who come in here all the time and say, “Oh, they’re very early on.” And the people will walk in here in the dead of winter wearing inappropriate clothing. You’ll start to talk to them about their grandchildren and they can’t remember their names. These people are clearly NOT in the early stages.

Denial?
There is a lot of denial. Denial is a wonderful coping mechanism but I tell everyone I speak to: Don’t linger there too long because you’ll miss the boat. The earlier you start introducing them to support services ( other people assisting them and involved in their lives) the better.
But those that wait until the very end when people are so frightened, so confused, disorientated—and NOW you want to start introducing new people into their lives?

What would be some of the very early signs that it could be Alzheimer’s disease?
The early signs would be memory loss. If there’s no memory loss, it’s not Alzheimer’s disease. People come up to me and say “my mother has been diagnosed with dementia”. Dementia is not an illness. Dementia is a symptom. There are many things that will cause dementia, memory loss and confusion. Remember, depression causes dementia. So does Parkinson’s, drug interactions, vitamin deficiencies—there are lots of causes.

We always encourage people to get to the right doctor and let’s eliminate. Alzheimer’s disease is what we call a diagnoses of exclusion. Which means, we try to exclude all those other things that can cause dementia. If we screen for all of that and that’s not what’s happening, we put it under the general Alzheimer’s umbrella. Alzheimer’s disease cannot be definitively diagnosed until autopsy, although were are pretty darn good at it now.

Anyone who is taking on the colossal task for caring with a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease, do they need support?
Yes. They also need to accept the fact that no one can do this alone. No one can do this
24-7. We have a program where the spouses can drop off their loved ones and get some time for themselves. Caregivers need time for themselves. Selfish is not a bad word when dealing with this illness.

We scrape more caregivers off the bathroom floors on a regular basis then we do their diagnosed counterparts. The diagnosed person gets everyone’s time and attention and in the process the caregivers wear down and wear out, and they themselves end up in the hospital.

What are some ways Long Island Alzheimer’s Foundation can help?
We have a hotline 866-789-LIAF(5423) that is manned by a licensed social worker who has been very carefully trained in all aspects of the illness. We are the largest resource and referral center on Long Island and we can put you in touch with doctors, home care agencies, and very importantly attorneys.

When you are dealing with a neuron-degenerative illness, legal matters become of the utmost importance. At some point, patients will lack “capacity” and cannot sign off on legal work. So it’s very important to get the legal stuff done early on in the illness, when the diagnosed person can participate in the decision making process and we can have these conversations so we know what their wishes are.

So how can Long Island residents help your foundation?
By making donations. We are not-for-profit so we exist strictly because of the kindness and generosity of those who have accessed our services or have dealt with this illness. Also, you can always volunteer for us–just get involved and help raise awareness about this illness.

If you’d like to help out the Long Island Alzheimer’s Foundation in any way or learn more about their programs, visit www.liaf.org

(Long Island, N.Y.) I’m always so afraid to try something new because if there’s an unwritten rule, I’m sure to break it. I’m THAT girl who would say “Gesundheit!” on the first day of “The Silent Retreat” and get sent home. Always feeling a bit paranoid I’ll offend or do something really dumb, I usually steer clear from trying exciting new things.

I was always intrigued by martial arts, so I thought: Why not just ask? And that I did. I went to Andrew Stiglaino who has been involved with martial arts for over 30 years. Andrew holds the title of “Shihan”, which means High Level Teacher at United Martial Arts Center located in Suffolk County.

Long Island Exchange: I’d like to know about martial arts etiquette. Is there such a thing? What’s the least I need to know if I plan to take a class?

Stigliano: Martial Arts is all about etiquette, manners and protocol. But all one would need to know if they were to start training is to make that first step and enter the school with an open mind and a positive attitude. The rest is easy!

Are there any other “unwritten rules” that you wouldn’t find in any handbook that you can tell me about? It is true there are many customs, rules and regulations that are not listed in many handbooks, but they are based on communication, team work, respect, safety and plain out doing the right thing. For instance:

• Never turn your back on anyone, think about it, if it is an aggressive person they might seize the opportunity and attack you. You would never turn your back on someone you care about during a conversation for it is selfish and displays a lack of respect, and people will remember that. Also as a metaphor turning your back is a symbol for many things and its all negative.

• In the martial arts the more you give — the more you get! If you work hard, you advance to Black Belt quicker. If you love to help others, others will certainly help you! If you show loyalty toward your school, the school, the teachers, and the student swill be loyal and supportive!

There are so many things – but that is why I truly believe in the Martial Arts, and its incredibly infinite positive attributes!

I’ve always felt a bit intimidated to sign myself up—perhaps fear of the unknown. Can you tell me a little about what a “beginner class” might entail? WOW, great question, we get that all of the time. And we have never let anyone down. Our school, the staff, and the class curriculum is especially designed for YOU! We tailor it to the individual, our program builds self esteem, as you learn. A beginner will be EMPOWERED with their new knowledge. Everyone is coached and guided every step of the way, you would learn the essentials of martial arts, fitness, and self-defense.

What would be one of the biggest misconceptions when it comes to martial arts classes, and how do you address that? The biggest misconception is that martial arts teaches violence, and the idea that hitting people is OK. We here at UMAC teach the opposite, hitting is not ok, and we educate to all of our students the repercussions of such and act. We use the term “Warriors of Peace”. We are all strong and knowledgeable, but we are all about peace and harmony!

The other misconception is that martial Arts is just a hobby, or an activity! It is not! Good martial arts training is truly all about self development on all plains: mental growth, physical growth and inner growth. No other sport or activity can offer a person all of that! Martial Arts training is a the best thing you could do for yourself, or you child.

We all have to begin somewhere. What is a very first class like—as a student?
We here at UMAC will warmly welcome you in, show you around, introduce you to some people. That would be our first step! Then we would guide you through the class Step by Step! We have our own special formula to ensure your success and lead you on a path of excitement and empowerment. You will instantaneously feel like a WNNER! At the End of the Class you will certainly want to experience it all over again!

Kids always seem to have a blast in class. What about parents? What can they get out of signing up?
Parents will feel all of the same excitement, and empowerment, as I have been explaining, however they will also feel like a weight has been lifted from their shoulders as their stress melts away. They will loose unwanted weight, as they tone their bodies in a fun and easy manner. They will build self esteem as they conquer new goals, and realize that it is never to late to start a martial arts program. The feeling that one can handle themselves against an aggressive person is very comforting. It is the best choice for any adult, and the benefits are grand: better flexibility, more energy, increased focus–AND IT IS EASY!

For someone who may be undecided if martial arts is something they would enjoy, do you offer any trial classes? How does it work? We here at UMAC firmly believe in the martial arts and our wonderful curriculum, that we would offer anyone TWO full Weeks of training–totally free No Obligations or hidden fees. If some decides not to join our awesome school, then we feel that it was better to meet and share than to not have met at all! IT IS ALL GOOD! We love what we do!

Many schools here on Long Island hold an open house to give interested families a peek at what they can offer. Do you have any upcoming events? OH YES…. We have our Annul open house coming up on October 15th…It is a Sunday from 12:00pm until 4:00pm. We welcome all to attend. There will be a Live DJ, a Bouncer for the Kids, a great magician, Games, face painting, plenty of food, and most of all great KARATE DEMONSTRATIONS! Everyone has a great time. We also have raffles, and giveaways. And again it is free and we welcome newcomers to share this great community event! Also we do a free Halloween party on OCTOBER 28th, that is a Saturday from 5:30 -9:30. A great safe way to celebrate this unique day! Again plenty of food snacks, prizes and FUN!

If you’re at the open house and happen to see a woman with long brown hair chasing around two small children, trying to desperately not to break any unwritten rules while keeping her kids from running with their sneakers on the mat—that just might be me!

If you want to check out UMAC, here’s more info:

United Martial Arts Center
600 North Bicycle Path- Unit D
Port Jefferson Station, NY 11776
(631) 474-0844 or visit: www.united-karate.com

Back to School Blues: My Child Hates Her Teacher!

(Long Island, N.Y.) Hear that? It’s silence—the bitter-sweet sound of back to school! On one hand, your sad to see your kids are growing up so fast and you’ll miss them hanging around the house all day. On the other hand: Woo-hoo! Finally–some peace and quiet. Yep, summer’s over and the kids are back to school.

You covered all the bases: the outfits, the supplies, the morning routine. Everything’s going as planned– until your faced with a big, unexpected problem: Your daughter stomps into the kitchen and declares she HATES her teacher. Great. Now what do you do? I asked Carmella Van Vleet, former teacher and author of Yikes! It’s Due Tomorrow? How to Handle School Snafus to help sort out some common teacher/student issues.

Long Island Exchange: What’s some basic advice you can give to parents–if their child does NOT like their teacher?

Van Vleet: First of all, don’t panic. Fortunately this is usually a temporary issue as kids warm up to news teachers. Often times the teacher your child can’t stand at the beginning of the year is the same teacher she counts as her all-time favorite by the end of the year! Encourage your son or daughter to give the teacher a chance. If they have and it’s still not working, encourage your child to focus on the positives. Maybe the teacher reads aloud every day after lunch or doesn’t believe in pop quizzes.

Second, listen to your child but assume nothing. Try to get your child to open up about what exactly is happening in the classroom or what happened to make your child feel this way. Did the teacher scold your child? Is the teacher big on writing and your child is into math? Is the new teacher’s style different than your child’s previous teacher’s style? Get details.

Finally, meet with the teacher. Bring an open mind, not an attitude. Share any specific incidences your child has told you about. Chances are good the teacher will have a different side to the story to share or be able to give you more insight. At the very least, you’ll be able to see for yourself if the teacher is really the creature from the Black Lagoon your child claims she is! Even if it turns out that there is serious personality clash between a teacher and your child, there are things that can be done.

Long Island Exchange: For fickle kids who LOVE something one day, and snub it the next, should parents take this “disliking the teacher” seriously? Why?

Van Vleet: If you know your child is the fickle type, there’s no reason to worry when he says he hates his teacher one day and loves her the next. Pay attention, though, to how often your child is coming home saying, “I hate my teacher!” and ask why he feels this way. Being in tuned to these feelings or patterns can help alert you to a serious problem.

Whatever you do, don’t feed negative feelings. If your child complains one day, offer something like, “It sounds like you had a tough day.” Badmouthing your child’s teacher in front of your child only undermines the teacher’s authority.

Long Island Exchange: What are some of the common reasons a child wouldn’t like their teacher?

Van Vleet: Good question! Unfortunately, it’s tough to answer. Kids dislike their teachers for any number of reasons and those reasons are as varied as kids and teachers themselves! The teacher gives too much homework, is strict or likes to joke around, prefers one subject over another, is a man (or older or younger or whatever), dresses funny or dresses boring. The list is endless. Usually, though, a child doesn’t like a teacher because his or her teaching style clashes with the child’s learning style.

Long Island Exchange: What if YOU don’t like your child’s teacher?

Van Vleet: This is a tough one, but unless the teacher is causing real harm, keep your mouth shut! Complaining about your child’s teacher undermines the teacher’s authority. It also devalues your child’s feelings. He or she may feel, “Gee, Mom doesn’t like Mrs. Stewart, maybe I shouldn’t either.” Try to find something positive to focus on; there must be one good thing about the teacher. If all else fails, remind yourself that it’s your child who’s in the classroom all day, not you!

Long Island Exchange: If you do plan a “meeting” with a teacher, can you offer some tips to make the meeting go smooth?

Van Vleet: Come prepared and try to check your ego and any prejudices at the door. Greet the teacher warmly; after all, the two of you both should be working as a team to do what’s best for your child. Spend some time just getting to know the teacher. Ask her about her family, education or experience. Ask her why she went into teaching.

Next, bring up any specific events that your child has shared. Avoid judgmental language. Saying, “My son tells me you’re mean,” won’t go over well! Try something like, “My son tells me you didn’t accept his homework even though I wrote a note explaining why it was late. Can you please explain your policy?” This kind of open-ended questioning gives the teacher a chance to share her version of things. Remember, there’s your child’s story, the teacher’s story and somewhere in the middle is probably the real story.

If your child is downright miserable in the classroom and you suspect, for whatever reason, that the teacher is as bad as your child says, then ask the school principal and school counselor to join the meeting.

Long Island Exchange: Any other information about this topic that you feel is important for parents to know?

Van Vleet: Of course, on the flipside of the “I hate my teacher!” challenge is the “I love my teacher!” challenge. You may feel a little hurt and left out. After all, you can remember when your child wanted to marry you. But rest, assured, it’s not at all unusual for kids to have crushes on their teachers. Thankfully, crushes on teachers are generally short-lived, quickly coming to screeching halt when the teacher does something offending, like mentioning a spouse or giving extra homework!

To learn more about Carmella Van Vleet’s awesome books, check out her website: http://www.carmellavanvleet.com