(Long Island, NY) Did you know that at least one ancient civilization mixed chocolate with hot pepper? That the Swiss consume the most chocolate per person in the entire world? Did you know you can buy a TEN POUND Toblerone chocolate bar? I found all this out after I tried to STOP eating the stuff. Why did I torture myself with details of all this lovely chocolate?
Reverse Psychology. Or rather, a failed experiment in reverse psychology. I wanted to cut saturated fat and excess sugar out of my diet, and I figured a good place to start would be steak and chocolate. By getting rid of these two big portions of my regular food intake, I figured I could lower my cholesterol, lose a bit of weight and feel healthier than I have in years.
Notice that I didn’t throw in any details about steak in my opening avalanche of trivia. I figured everybody already knew that sirloin is the most popular cut of beef, that tenderloin is the most tender (hence the name?) and that if you see “loin” or “round” in a steak name, that cut is one of the leanest.
I ditched the trivia because giving up steak is tougher (sorry) than giving up chocolate. If I talked about steak for the entire length of this screed, I’d be eating it again just as soon as I stopped typing. Chocolate, I can use some willpower on.
I used to be very into chocolate, like a junkie. I had to have some at my desk, I had to put it in my coffee (it’s called a MOCHA, kids. This is not an illness.) and when they made chocolate peppermint-flavored caffeinated mints, I was READY to over-do it. My friends probably wish I had given up chocolate a long time ago, if only to get down to a more reasonable caffeine level.
I’m a writer. I NEED caffeine. So sue me.
Back to chocolate trivia. I read up on it a LOT once I quit eating it. I thought maybe I could make myself sick of thinking about it. After all, chocolate is what some people call a psychoactive food. There is a compound in chocolate called theobroma cacao, which can give you a feeling of well being in sufficient doses. After learning this, I reminded myself that I am a FOOD lover, not a dope fiend. But it would explain why some people (I mean myself here) find it so difficult to break free of the grip of this sweet sugary stuff.
Chocolate also has that stuff that is in turkey that makes you sleepy after thanksgiving. My personal theory now is that the combination of the two substances makes it a powerful dessert capable of making you pleasantly sleepy and dopey. Like you had a beer. But not any old beer, a CHOCOLATE beer.
Ok, this is going a bit too far. I can’t even shake my desire for chocolate long enough to write about how I shouldn’t be eating it. George Bush should declare the stuff a drug and go to war on it. It’s more pernicious than that demon rum they railed against during Prohibition; more insidious than marijuana. It’s EVERYWHERE, and I want to eat ALL of it. Still, I’ve vowed to give it up and I mean to exercise my willpower. I must not give in to the urges I feel. I can be strong. I can DO IT! I don’t need a program, I don’t need self hypnosis, I just need to keep my hands in my pockets every time I pass a vending machine and keep chanting to myself. “Not gonna do it, not gonna do it.”
Having said all that, I’m off for a steak sandwich. A man can only take so much.
