(Long Island, N.Y.) I have no idea what the hell I just watched. Crank: High Voltage, a sequel to 2006’s Crank, is the craziest movie I’ve ever seen. It makes the
intense original film seem tame and mild-mannered in comparison. I’m not even sure how to review it, what score to give it, or how I even feel after subjecting myself to its insanity.
Okay, here goes: At the end of the original Crank, Chev Chelios (everyone’s favorite Brit B-movie action star, Jason Statham) fell out of a helicopter, plummeted several thousand feet, and went ‘splat’ on a car. Apparently this was not enough to kill him, as High Voltage picks up right where the first movie left off with Chev literally being scraped off the ground with a shovel and carted off by Chinese gangsters with the intention of harvesting his organs. Now, this wasn’t random- the gangsters specifically wanted Chelios, due to his superhuman resistance to a deadly Chinese poison he was injected with in the previous film. I guess they just decided to drive around every day and wait for Jason Statham to fall from the sky like magic, which ended up actually working. I know it sounds nuts, but if you try to apply logic to Crank: High Voltage, you’re in for a whole heap of trouble.
Anyway, Chev wakes up in a makeshift hospital while doctors remove his heart and replace it with an artificial one. Chev’s heart is then boxed up on ice and taken away by Johnny Vang (Art Hsu), headed fro parts unknown. Discovering that several other of his organs are next on the chopping block, including (ahem) “Little Chev,” he promptly kills the doctors and escapes. Outside, he shoots several thugs and interrogates a survivor regarding the whereabouts of his heart, coercing
the info by means of a rectal shotgun suppository(!!!!). Finding out who Johnny Vang is and where he’s heading, Chev steals a car and departs.
Discovering a cell phone on route, Chev calls Doc Miles (Dwight Yoakam), who informs him that he possesses the skills to put his heart back where it belongs, provided Chev can find it first. Doc also reveals that Chev’s artificial heart (an AbioCor, a model designed to keep patients awaiting transplants alive) is powered by an external battery pack, in addition to a one-hour internal back-up. As if on cue, Chev immediately crashes his car and destroys the external battery, but manages to use jumper cables to recharge and sprints off like The Flash in pursuit of Johnny Vang. It seems that Chev can keep his heart beating by directly absorbing electricity through his skin on a regular basis, and this becomes a
running gag throughout the film, with Chev finding new and more outlandish ways of electrocuting himself. Adding to the cartoon-like nature of High Voltage, each time Chev gets juiced up, he suddenly displays super abilities much like Popeye does when he eats his spinach. Like I said, this movie is crrraaaazy.
The rest of Crank: High Voltage is just an madcap montage of chase scenes, sex, violence, comedy, and surrealism. While chasing after his heart, Chev encounters Mexican gangsters, Chinese Triad members, his girlfriend-turned-stripper Eve (Amy Smart, who has good chemistry with Statham), an annoying Asian prostitute, a guy with Full Body Tourette’s Syndrome, the disembodied head (kept alive in a tank) of an arch enemy, public debauchery, Godzilla-inspired fight scenes, weird hallucinations, talk-show flashbacks, lots of harsh language, flying bullets, cops, porn stars and strippers. The movie’s intensity never lets up for a second, assaulting the viewers with all manner of demented characters and imagery on its
way to its blistering (literally!) climax.
Crank: High Voltage is basically the same movie as its predecessor, only turned up to 11. It starts out fast, frenzied and offensive and just gets more and more deranged as the movie progresses, and it manages to be a lot of fun…at least, until they start going overboard about halfway through. Things eventually start getting REALLY bizarre, and there were several scenes that put an “I just made in my pants” expression on my face. There was just no other way to react. I don’t want to get into the specifics and risk spoiling things for those of you that haven’t seen High Voltage yet, but the latter half of the movie goes so far over the edge that it starts becoming almost impossible to
take anything seriously. But that was obviously the filmmaker’s intent, and I respect their attempt to create something fresh, different, and wild…I suppose I’d rather see a film narrowly avoid brilliance by blatantly overshooting the mark as opposed to coming up short in every way. High Voltage sure ain’t boring, that’s for sure. It’ll just leave you very bewildered.
I’d comment on the acting, but there’s not much to say. Everyone in Crank: High Voltage is too busy running around and shooting at/having sex with each other to waste time trying to be thespians, and what dialogue exists is only there to drive forward the plot (such as it is). Jason Statham does his usual solid job, playing retired hit man Chev Chelios with intensity and brutality, although not without a good dose of slapstick and charm ala Jackie Chan. Statham’s character in the Crank films is basically indestructible and unstoppable…the guy shrugs off such inhuman amounts of punishment while killing people left and right that I keep expecting him to slip on a hockey mask at some point. As stated before, if you’re expecting realism, you’ve come to the wrong movie.
One thing about Crank: High Voltage that was particularly interesting to me was how it was made: to keep costs down, the movie was shot exclusively on low cost consumer hand-held HDV cameras, which also enabled the filmmakers to record shots and angles that would be impossible with larger, more expensive cameras. But after extensive post-production work, color correction, and editing, the film never betrays its low-budget roots. If anything, Crank: High Voltage’s approach to filming should encourage a whole slew of independent film productions in the future, because it’s proven more and more every day that you don’t need millions and millions of dollars to make a good movie. You just need creativity.
That said, I can recommend Crank: High Voltage to fans of Statham, action movies, and people looking for something (very) different. But be forewarned: the movie is just plain looney to the point of overkill, and not for everyone.
