(Long Island, N.Y.) Doomsday is basically a mish-mash combination of a number of various movies, and the resulting concoction adds up to far less than the sum of its parts. Director Neil Marshall’s rip-off…um, excuse me, I mean “homage to” various beloved movies of his youth starts out promising enough, but soon just dissolves into a stew of stupidity and the dreaded “been there, done that” syndrome.
Right off the bat, let’s list off the primary movies/plot points that are blatantly referenced by Doomsday, with little or no effort made to differentiate itself from them:
- Escape From New York (society’s rejects are walled off from the rest of the world, and a rebellious character with one eye is sent in to their turf with a time limit to look for something vital to the world)
- The Road Warrior (said societal rejects are all violent 80’s-style punk rockers who drive around in cars decorated like the walls of a TGI Friday’s)
- 28 Days Later (said societal rejects are infected with a disease that causes them to go batpoop crazy and kill people, which is why they were walled off from the world to begin with)
Now, let’s discuss the threadbare plot that attempts to provide an excuse for importing all these other works into Doomsday. We’ll begin with Rhona Mitra, a hot British model/actress last seen (by me, anyway) in the abysmal Ali G direct-to-video movie “Indahouse.” Here, she’s doing her best female Kurt Russell/Snake Plissken impersonation, which for you and I means that it’s yet another movie where a 105-pound unarmed supermodel can easily manhandle armored, axe-wielding men who outweigh her by over 100 pounds. This constant trend of butt-kicking women in action movies is wearing a little thin with me, but at least Mitra looks a little tougher-looking than a twig like Milla Jovovich (of Resident Evil fame).
I remember a movie I caught on cable years ago. The name escapes me, but it was some wretched sci-fi Z-grade action flick starring some barbarian woman who just pounded everyone she encountered- men, women, robots, trees, you name it. But the producers did a smart thing- they cast an actual female bodybuilder in the role…someone that actually looked like they could beat you to death in real life. It didn’t stop the movie from sucking, but at least the he-woman in this random cable flick helped me buy into the main character’s seemingly legit toughness. But now that I think about it, who would I rather watch bodyslam people for 2 hours- a man with a vagina, or rampant eye-candy provided by the likes of Rhona Mitra? I’m sorry, but I’m about to completely destroy my rant here by choosing Rhona. I’m sorry for wasting your time.
So…the story of Doomsday goes something like this: The Rage virus…wait, I’m sorry, that was 28 Days Later, one of the movies Doomsday rips off…let’s start over: The Reaper virus infects the island nation of Scotland and the infected residents are all dying and/or killing each other. Since no cure exists, a contrived plot device is introduced where New York builds a wall around Manhattan to contain…wait, I’m sorry, that was Escape from NY, one of the movies Doomsday rips off…let’s start over: A wall is built around Scotland by England to contain the spread of the Reaper virus. Naturally, leaving the Scots to eat each other and eventually die off doesn’t win England any humanitarian awards, nor does it endear them to any of their other constituent countries, but hey, that’s life. You move on.
27 years later: the year is now 2035, and the Reaper virus has re-emerged and now comes home to roost in jolly old England. Instead of building a wall around themselves and waiting to die, this time around Brits actually decide to pool their resources and attempt to find a cure. Their main lead comes in the form of satellite surveillance photos taken in the quarantined Scotland that show signs of survivors. Believing that these survivors may be resistant to the virus and in turn may hold the key to a possible cure, a team is assembled to enter the entombed country to seek these Scots out, presumably to be prodded, poked, and ultimately dissected in the name of the good people of England.
Leading this team is a tough-as-nails cop named Eden Sinclair (Mitra), herself a Scot and one of the last survivors airlifted out of the country before it was walled off. Having lost her right eye while escaping, she now employs a cybernetic implant that she can take in and out of her eye socket at will (gross). Hand-picked for the job by her boss Bill Nelson (Bob Hoskins), Eden’s motivations for accepting the mission go beyond saving her adopted homeland, however- she secretly wishes to locate the long-lost mother she left behind all those years ago.
Since Scotland is now a “no fly” zone (you can land in a helicopter 5 feet from it, but you just can’t fly over the wall), the high-tech and heavily-armed team enters Scotland via armored troop transports, their only lead being a scientist named Kane who may or may not have been researching a cure and who may or may not still be alive. Admittedly, it’s not much to go on, but if things were easy (or made any sense), there’d be no movie.
Alas, Eden’s team discovers that there are a great many more survivors than they were lead to believe, and they are tattooed, pierced, and very angry. Despite their weapons and armor, most of the team is killed, and Eden is taken captive. She is introduced to Wez, the leader of the Marauders…wait, I’m sorry, that was The Road Warrior, one of the movies Doomsday rips off…let’s start over: She is introduced to Sol, the leader of the Marauders, who
are cannibalistic bandits who now control most of Scotland. She manages to escape with the help of Sol’s estranged sister and reunites with the remaining members of her team. Eden and company then continue their search for the elusive Kane, with the crazed Sol hot on their tails. With England’s inhabitants already tearing themselves apart and a worldwide outbreak imminent, will Eden find a cure for the Reaper virus in time?
Doomsday started out halfway decently, but quickly turned horribly wrong. The exact point of the film that this occurred is crystal clear- once the head punk rocker Sol started dancing to The Fine Young Cannibals’ “Good Thing” on-stage for a rabid crowd and male can-can dancers appeared to back him up(?!?), I suddenly realized that there were problems with Doomsday that would easily spell doom for far superior films, let alone average dreck like this. Needless to say, my movie-viewing experience, very much like the contents of a toilet that’s been flushed, started a downward spiral, never to return.
The main problem with Doomsday is that it so blatantly wears its influences on its sleeve (some of them bizarrely clashing in look and tone), but with no attempt to do anything new or innovative with them. Plot devices are clearly lifted from numerous movies, and as a result, Eden, Sol, and even Kane (a lame cameo by Malcolm McDowell) are all blatant carbon copies of characters you’ve seen before, placed in situations that seem all-too familiar.
It also doesn’t help that the characters of Doomsday tend to repeatedly make stupid and inexplicable decisions, needlessly placing themselves in danger when escape would be all too easy. You know, like running directly in front of a bus that’s trying to mow you down or ignoring a rescue helicopter for the second or third time in a row. I know it’s a movie, but when you’re watching people on-screen
doing brainless things that no one in real life would ever emulate, it just takes you out of the experience.
I can’t end this review without informing fans of gratuitous gore that they will be in heaven here- in this film, heads explode, guts fly, and blood flows like the mighty Mississippi. If you’re a bloodthirsty maniac, ignore the rest of this review and go watch Doomsday now. You’ll love it.
As for the rest of you…if you’re the biggest Escape from NY/Road Warrior/28 Days Later fan ever and dream at night of a movie that combines them into some kind of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup-like concoction, go for it. For everyone else- I’d say it’s safe to pass it on by.
