(Long Island, NY) If you’ve written to me in the last two weeks, I probably never saw it. My inbox has been absolutely clogged with spam emails, with a volume that could be described as “ferocious“.
Spam is annoying, but this spam has an edge to it I’ve not seen before. Bizarre, twisted names of confused lineages pour into my inbox. I get messages hailing me as a long-lost friend day in and day out, but I don’t know ANYBODY with a name like Dierdre Bonhoffer-Chang, or Sally-Anne Chou En-Lai.
Even more bewildering — I’m getting dirty subject lines that you’d expect from porno spam. I know people who have been swamped with this after visiting, ahem, after-hours websites, but now it’s happening to everybody I know.
“To: JWallace@address-deleted.com
My inbox has been absolutely clogged with spam emails, with a volume that could be described as “ferocious”.
From: Billy-Bob-Bunratty Chopin
Subject: “My Boyfriend’s Wanger Keeps Falling Out”
What the HELL? Who are these spammers? What makes these idiots think for a second that I’d open something with a subject line like “Bus Route Sex For Under $29.99!” or “Experience Sexual Ecstassy With Black And Decker SandBlaster”.
The “We are ready to lend you some cash” emails are plentiful enough, and I’ve had so many Bank Of America account suspended in the last week that I think maybe I should switch TO Bank Of America just so I can see what all the fuss is about.
I’ve come to terms with the porno spam, but I wonder what’s next. When will the excessively religious spam begin? I can see it now.
“You are going to hell. Stop the painful craving for more salvation”
or perhaps “Jesus called you today, but you left your answering machine on. Tired of being the sinner on the block?”
Election-year spam is another possibility. In 2008, I fully expect to see massive piles of “George Bush Keeps Falling Out Of Office” and “Red hot voting booth webcam action for only $19.99”. What in the world are we to do about all of this? I think maybe an email randomizer that sends your email to a real central address that you keep secret is the best answer, but I am too lazy to look into such a
thing. I have too much deleting to do on an hourly basis to stop and explore it.
One day we’ll get some kind of anti-spam version of caller ID and then we can really let these idiots have it. I’m working on my own funky names and subject lines:
“To: John Q. Spammer
From: Oprah Wang-Chung
Subject: You May As Well Change Your Email Address Now, Because Ten
Million Of These Emails Are coming Your Way”
