(Long Island, NY) Ever get an incoming call on your cell phone from a 1-800 number? My first thought when the phone rang was “who is wasting my daytime minutes?” I answered, more out of curiosity about who had obtained my cell phone number than anything else.
“Hello?”
A split second of silence should have had me hanging up instantly, but I wasn’t quite up to speed yet, the second cup of coffee still waiting to kick in.
“Hi, this is Rob from the Dove Foundation. Is the lady of the house available?”
Oh, this was going to be RICH. There IS no lady of the house. Of course, Rob didn’t know that, because he is an annoying telemarketing schmuck.
“Who can I say is calling?”
A pause. I’ve caught Rob off guard for some reason. This annoys me. I have a very short fuse for people calling me asking for the lady of the house. It implies that I have one stashed someplace, or perhaps I myself am the lady of the house. No offense to anyone who WANTS to be the lady of the house. Have at it. Besides, there is no house. Just an apartment with hardwood floors, the smell of the Indian restaurant downstairs and the clatter/bang/thunk of the garbage trucks at seven AM sharp each and every morning.
“Um, well, again, this is Rob from the Dove Foundation. This is not a sales call.”
Could have fooled me, Rob. And you’re getting snippy with me for no reason. This puts me on edge. More specifically, it makes me want to come down to the Dove Foundation with a plastic garbage bag and a baseball bat. I don’t like guys with only one name getting uppity with me because they can’t talk to the lady of the house. And besides which, there IS NO lady of the house.
“What exactly is this call pertaining to?”
Let’s get to the bottom of this Dove Foundation business, eh? And why don’t they want to talk to me, but rather the non-existent lady of the house? Could it be that they are more interested in someone they have pre-stereotyped as being easier to persuade, get money out of or influence somehow? If I HAD a lady of the house, she would most likely be prepared to give Rob an even worse time than I. The Dove Foundation–it sounds like somebody has founded a charity based on chocolate.
“Well, as I said, this is Rob,” he’s gotten VERY snippy now, “Calling from the Dove Foundation. Is the man or lady of the house at home?”
NOW he wants to talk to anybody who will listen. Couldn’t get the lady of the house, so it’s time to move on to anybody who will admit living here. Too bad I don’t like rude people.
“Strike three, pal. You’re out.”
I hang up on pompous ol’ Rob, wait ten minutes and redial the 1-800 number that came up on my cell phone when Rob called. The phone rings for three solid minutes. Hmmmm. I don’t trust anybody who calls from the chocolate bar foundation and doesn’t answer their own phone.
I look up the Dove Foundation on the web, and lo and behold! Rude Rob’s organization has nothing whatsoever to do with that excellent purveyor of fine chocolates, Dove brand. At least as far as I could tell. I tried to call the 1-800 number advertised on the Dove Foundation website to ask, but only got a voice mail for one of their executive-types.
What I did learn from the Dove Foundation web page is that it is yet another one of those self-appointed ‘watchdog’ groups for movies, claiming to yearn for a child-safe environment so that nary an offending burp or rude word manages to tickle the ears of those oh-so-sensitive kiddies. We wouldn’t want to contaminate all those young ears and eyes now, would we?
Well, parents certainly should take an active interest in what the kiddies are viewing, to be sure. But I’m not quite convinced that we need a nonprofit organization to do it for us. Remember, folks, the phrase ‘nonprofit’ also means “tax exempt”. It also means “fundraisers like mad” and most often means “highly paid board of directors”. Does it mean so in the case of the Dove Foundation? Who knows? I don’t.
Even so, I think back to the United Way scandal of early 1990s when its national president was convicted of fraud. Remember that one? The United Way director was essentially busted for misusing the organization’s assets in a major way. Not that I’m implying the same thing is going on at the Dove Foundation. Not a bit of it. I have no idea whatsoever how that organization is run. But let’s face it folks, a handful of nonprofit organizations don’t have a very good reputation these days. The potential for abuses is too great to ignore in some sectors.
It would be irresponsible journalism to suggest that the Dove Foundation is involved in dirty dealings. I am not saying anything of the sort. What I would like to make noise about here is what they ARE doing. At the website, the Dove Foundation doesn’t just encourage filmmakers to create more family-friendly fare; they actively seek “re-edited” versions of Hollywood movies suitable for families.
This, friends and neighbors, is what my grandmother would call a “big load of horse puckey.” The Dove Foundation, in a quest to create this essentially sanitized and retooled entertainment, is asking filmmakers to be dishonest about their work. Cutting out what the Dove Foundation would consider inappropriate is tantamount to…well, who cares what it’s TANTAMOUNT to, it’s just plain fraudulent. If you rent a copy of Schindler’s List, you should see ALL of it, just the way the director intended. If you don’t want the kids to see it, DON’T SHOW IT TO THEM. Do we REALLY need yet another non-taxpaying organization to ‘save the children’?
Instead of spending the amounts of money the Dove Foundation may or may not have raised on cleaning up movies, they should redistribute that money to needy families with hungry kids. If the Dove Foundation is so intent on saving the children, they should take more DIRECT ACTION. Cleaning up Hollywood scripts isn’t going to do a bloody thing for inner-city kids who hear all the swear words, see all the drugs and shootings, basically getting all the bad influences they can handle right out there on the street. It’s NOT in the movie theaters for the kids—it’s REAL LIFE. Try cleaning THAT up, Rob-from-the-Dove-Foundation.
And besides, how did he get my CELL number?
