(Long Island, N.Y.) I have to really get this out of the way first- while
Max Payne, starring Mark Wahlberg, is a fairly below-average movie, I’ll nonetheless be making my best efforts to avoid any jokes involving the film’s title. Example: “Max Payne caused me a lot of pain.” Nope, you’ll be seeing none of that, although I’m sure many other critics out there will be having a field day with such cheap shots.
Also, I have to say that Max Payne is supposed to be based on a best-selling video game, although I must admit that I’ve never played it. So while I can not attest to the film being a close adaptation of the game or not, I can only hope the game manages to generate more excitement than Mr. Wahlberg’s latest foray into cinema does.
Okay, onto the review. Max Payne (yes, that’s his real name) is a NYPD detective working the Cold Case unit. The Cold Case unit, for those that are unaware, is basically where all the dead-end and unsolvable cases go. Max volunteered to be transferred there 3 years prior, following the murder of his beloved wife and newborn child. This tragic event has transformed Max from a nice, happy guy to (you guessed it) a granite-faced “cop on the edge” with “nothing to lose” (picture Mel Gibson’s character
in Lethal Weapon, but without humor, intensity, or any charisma).
Max spends his days pushing meaningless paperwork and his nights attempting to track down the men who killed his family, with little success in either area. But with the help of his former Homicide partner Alex Balder (Donal Logue), Max draws a connection between the murders and an underground gang dealing in a hardcore new drug called Valkyr. With the help of his father’s former police partner, B.B. Hensley (Beau Bridges), himself retired from the force and now working at a pharmaceutical company, Max goes on the trail of the makers of the drug, hoping they will lead him down the path of vengeance. But when Mona Sax (Mila Kunis), the sister of another person slain by the drug gang shows up and casts light on several mistruths, Max will realize that the only person he can trust is himself. But ain’t it always like that in these movies? I mean, once the main character starts trusting anyone, that’s when he finds himself knocked out or in fiendish 1960’s Batman-style trap, right? If cinema has taught us anything, it’s that it is better to go it alone.
So, I mentioned earlier that Max Payne was a below-average movie. Here’s where I tell you why- it’s poorly paced and annoyingly dumb. Dumb how? Well, remember that drug I mentioned, the one called Valkyr? Well, whenever somebody takes it, they have these goofy hallucinations involving demons flying around and attacking them. Never mind the nonsense all users of the drug, people all with different psyches and brain chemistries, would all have the same exact visions when under its influence. But the film also goes out of its way to attempt to blur the lines between what is and isn’t real, and the results end up just being silly. People are killed and at times it’s made to look like perhaps the demons did it, when they don’t even exist.
Also, Mark Wahlberg continues his streak of stoic, wooden performances, which is a shame because I’ve always considered him a solid actor who excels in gritty, realistic, “everyman” type roles. But between Max Payne and his
hilariously bad turn in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Happening earlier this year, it appears that either Mark is taking jobs based solely on the paycheck these days, or he’s just plain lost his passion for acting. Either way, I hope the Mark Wahlberg of old returns soon, because I just can’t stand this evil clone who’s taken his place.
Also, for an “action” movie, there’s precious little of it. From what I understand, the video-game was basically all intense run-and-gun action- how can you make a shoot-em-up flick last 100 minutes and have 1st real action scene at like 65 minutes in? I could deal with it if the non-shooting scenes were interesting, but everything drags and drags, with no one saying or doing anything even vaguely interesting. And when the gun-play does kick in, it’s horribly inept.
There’s a scene where they show Max falling backwards with
a shotgun in slow motion for like 10-15 seconds, all before he even fires the first blast. Meanwhile, a bad guy is behind him on a catwalk armed with a machine gun with a scope mounted on it, taking slow deliberate aim at Mr. Payne but still managing to miss him by about a good 20-30 feet. I’m not kidding. Also, there’s a scene where Max, in a desperate moment to prevent hypothermia after being dunked in the river during winter, consumes
two vials of Valkyr and starts roaring to the heavens like the Incredible Hulk while demons and fire suddenly start swarming. Best unintentional comedic moment of the year, folks.
I’d totally write Max Payne off as worthless, except for one thing- the Cinematographer knew exactly what he was doing, and frankly, deserves to be working on better films than this. Max Payne went heavy on the dark, moody lighting and dramatic camera angles, and that, combined with some effective CG snow and gritty set design, beautifully established an interesting mix of modern and 1920’s detective-style film noir. The atmosphere of Max Payne is brooding and thick, and it’s a shame it was all but wasted on such a sub-par script consisting of so many clichéd plot devices. But in the end, the near-beautiful visuals made Max Payne at least watch able throughout. All style and no substance.
So, in the end, if you like pretty movies, go watch Max Payne but perhaps try wearing an iPod while doing so- that way, you can just enjoy the aesthetically pleasing eye-candy and otherwise zone out and groove to your favorite tunes. Otherwise, give it a pass.
