(Long Island, N.Y.) Freddy Krueger. This horrific movie boogeyman got his start in 1984 in director Wes Craven’s groundbreaking horror classic, A Nightmare on Elm Street. It was the tale of a group of teens being preyed upon by a disfigured madman wearing a bladed glove named “Freddy.” The catch was that he was stalking and murdering them while they slept; Freddy had the power to invade his victim’s dreams, a place where anything can happen and there is no escape. Creepy, huh? You betcha.
Anyway, the success of NOES (I love that abbreviation!) spawned a franchise, with each successive installment growing more comedic and lame, until the series was supposedly shelved for good. Now, while I may be a much bigger Friday the 13th fan and was firmly rooting for my boy Jason Voorhees in 2003’s terrible movie monster match-up Freddy Vs. Jason, even I must concede that the first Nightmare flick was one of the most effective horror films ever made. Don’t kill me, Jason!
Of course, even a monstrous mass-murderer like Freddy can fall victim to the most heinous predator of all: the dreaded Hollywood remake machine. Yeah, Jason got the treatment last year, and the success of the Friday the 13th remake has now set producer Michael Bay’s sights on Mr. Krueger. But while I was glad about the Friday remake simply because it meant I’d be getting new installments of my favorite slasher franchise, the idea newly-rebooted Nightmare had me conflicted. I mean, aside from some dated special effects, the original NOES is a true horror classic in every sense of the word, whereas the F13 flicks are just fun carbon-copies of each other. While NOES might benefit from a modern coat of paint, I had my doubts that, in terms of story and suspense, a remake could even touch its forbearer. Let’s see if I’m right, okay?
A Nightmare on Elm Street is about…well, a bunch of kids having nightmares on Elm Street. Nancy Holbrook that indigestion isn’t the issue. The teens struggle to stay awake to save themselves, we all know that will work for only just so long, right? Eventually the sleep deprivation causes Nancy and her friends to start having random “micro-naps,” which is the movie’s way of letting Freddy pop up whenever he darn well pleases. And as usual, the grown-ups never believe anything the kids say, so you know they’re being no help. They just rightfully think their children are going nuts.
Anyway, it turns out that the man attacking the teens in their dreams was a real, live man once, and that they all may share an unknown past with him…one none of them can remember. As the kids’ numbers start to dwindle, Nancy struggles to uncover their connection to the unstoppable demon plaguing them. But the answers provide no comfort; indeed, they uncover a truth even more horrible than Nancy could have ever imagined.
As far as remakes go, this one was perhaps one of the most unnecessary ever. It felt plastic, corporate, and by the numbers. The producers seemed to cherry pick all the best scenes from the original NOES, grabbed one of the thousands of teen slasher flick scripts gathering dust in their filing cabinets, added some rather out-of-date CG, threw it all in a pot and came up with…well, this. And Samuel Bayer’s direction came across as the forced work of a simple hired gun. This was a remake made, not because the filmmakers felt they could add or expand upon the source material, but solely for the sake of making a quick buck on name recognition. And you know what? It shows in every single frame.
The fans balked when it was announced that long-time Freddy actor Robert Englund was being replaced, but when they discovered that it would be by Watchmen’s Jackie Earle Haley they grew interested, since Haley is known for his gritty, odd characters. What he does with Freddy is solid, but really, Englund originated the character and, when he wasn’t doing ill-suited stand-up material, he was pretty darn frightening. Haley was good, but with his slight build (although Euglund was no Schwarzenegger, either), electronically altered voice, and less-threatening mannerisms (Englund was “twitchier”), he didn’t seem to capture the role as well as his predecessor. Oh, and the new change in Freddy’s make-up design isn’t for the better, either. The filmmakers claim they were going for a more realistic “burn victim” look, but to me he kinda looks like a frog.
Of course, when taken on its own and not compared to the original, NOES is actually okay. Well, okay in the sense that it didn’t make me want to walk out or anything. It has its moments of atmospheric terror and some effective (but cheap) jump scares. The cast are just a bunch of your typical 20-somethings playing teenagers and they all look like they were discovered by those “New Faces” scouts camped out at every mall in the land. No one embarrasses themselves, but no one stands out, either. Clancy Brown pops up as one of the teen’s father, but even he wasn’t on his A-game. And sadly, the NOES remake doesn’t take advantage of modern tech to go completely crazy with the Dreamscape like I was hoping it would. In reality, much of the effects work rather unimaginative and sub-par, which really makes you wonder why the producers bothered in the first place. Oh, right. They wanted your money.
So, we come to our conclusion…I’ll make it quick: The Nightmare on Elm Street remake is as soulless and unneeded as any remake made nowadays, but when not compared to the original (which is hard not to do), it stands as an okay time-waster. But the disturbing fact remains: Hollywood will remake anything for a quick buck, and I mean ANYTHING. I wouldn’t be surprised if they make a remake of the NOES remake next year. Sound crazy? Hey, they’re already rebooting Spider-Man, and the last one was only 3 years ago! Someone make it stop!
