(Long Island, NY) Have you seen the “No Gas May 15th” email forwarded all over the world and back? It’s the latest in a string of emails apparently designed primarily to get all my friends duped into sending me a ton of unwanted forwards.
I believe this email was created to vex me, personally.
All my friends know how much I hate any email that arrives with “FWD” in the subject line. Usually forwarded emails are lame jokes I’ve already heard a million times, bogus charity requests, or some kind of pointless rally around a tear-jerking cause.
“Poor Timmy Jones is in the hospital with an ulcerated forehead. By forwarding this email to all your friends, you will put a smile on Timmy’s face before he has his big, bad, ulcerated forehead removed in an experimental surgical procedure fraught with untold peril.”
They ought to be removing the foreheads of all my friends instead.
The “No Gas On May 15th” email is particularly annoying because it doesn’t ASK you to participate, it ORDERS you to take part. “No one will buy gas on May 15th.”
Oh, REALLY? Well, I have some very bad news for these idiots. I am buying TWO tanks of gas on May 15th. Can you guess why? I’m going to waste a whole tank driving around smacking my so-called friends in the head with a rolled-up newspaper for giving in to such idiotic nonsense.
The NERVE of these sanctimonious ding-dongs is amazing. I had no idea my friends, normally so level-headed and calm, could be whipped into a frenzy by the commanding tone of an anonymous net-nerd with nothing better to do. And it wasn’t just a couple of my pals, either. I got a whole truckload of forwarded email.
Snopes.com, that wonderful debunker of internet fantasy and hearsay, has really done the job on this one. They state in no uncertain terms that it’s impossible to “stick it to the man” by refusing to buy gas on May 15th. It’s all there in black and white, but do we REALLY need the Snopes people to debunk this one for us?
Folks, you can safely trash ANY email which orders you to forward it to all your friends. Those are the magic words that should automatically force your fingers to the ‘delete’ key. I decided to start sending my own internet chain letter. It says “No Gas May 15th? Fat chance. Forward this email to everyone you know, because you’re all too gullible NOT to.”
On May 15th, the entire world could refuse to buy a tank of gas, and it won’t matter a damn bit. It’s what we do the REST of the year that counts. Me personally, I take public transit whenever I can, try not to fall into the LIRR gap between the train and the platform, and save my car for the real emergencies.
We already have “TV Turn-Off Day”, “National Buy Nothing Day” and “The Great American Smokeout”. Oh, and for those who believe in doing such things, there’s also Lent. I don’t believe we need any more nationally mandated abstinence in our lives.
I’m about to have a big dilemma on May 15th. Whose head do I hit with a rolled-up newspaper first? I think I’ll start with my pals in Boston and work my way back to Long Island. Til then I think I’ll just ignore my emails til after May 15th.
Well, most of them.
