(Long Island, NY) Have you seen the headlines about the latest Osama bin Laden tape? The figure on the audiotape is supposedly bin Laden, at least in the minds of the geniuses at Al Jazeera television. Why these broadcasters continue to give airtime to these audio missives is beyond me. This crap is news?
Of course, this is coming from the same desk as the articles giving Britney Spears additional publicity (even if it’s just to complain) and gossiping about the dalliances of the former Governor of New York, so perhaps I don’t really have a leg to stand on here.
I do wonder how many of you share my views about these so-called Osama bin Laden tapes. It’s my own personal belief that this guy doesn’t exist anymore, except in the minds of the people who are trying to keep him alive. The tapes are either pre-recorded from when Osama was still sucking wind, or they’re being faked now by his zombie followers.
Osama bin Laden
Proof of the nature of these tapes—in my mind at least—comes with the subject matter of the latest blathering aired by Al Jazeera. Bin Laden (or his surrogate) is still whimpering over that non-issue of the cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed published in Europe. How dead is that issue? Even the people who were offended by it have learned to move on and get over it.
Folks, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again now; any god so small and petty-minded that He, She, or It could actually get OFFENDED at a CARTON by a HUMAN isn’t worth your time. Find a god big enough to withstand a few slings and arrows without peeing in His holy trousers—there’s a god worth following. Bin Laden’s god just ain’t big enough for snotty old me. I need a supreme being with a skin at least thick enough to work for an editor at the New Yorker. Bin Laden’s idea of god wouldn’t last for a single corporate team building session without bursting into tears.
As always, I digress.
Bin Laden just CAN’T be breathing today, can he? If he WERE, he’d have PLENTY to say about the presidential race, even if just to try and stir up the pot with some snarky comments about the middle name of one of our Democrat presidential hopefuls. See what I mean? Nothing. Not even a mild jape from bin Laden comparing Obama to Saddam Hussein. If one of the Republicans could get somebody to try that gag, think of what bin Laden could do with it? It should be open season on Al Jazeera in the audiotape department, but instead we get silence. Total silence.
Bin Laden is as dead as a turkey sandwich and there’s no denying it. Some halfwit doofus has taken his place, making stone-age audio recordings in a cave someplace in the lap of caveman luxury. Well, maybe not…luxury. Maybe not even POVERTY. Let’s try eating MREs and rubbing two sticks together to try and recreate the discovery of fire. Remember when bin Laden used to release VIDEO TAPES? Looks like they ran out of those, huh? Now it’s audio. Give it another three months and they will be sending Western Union telegrams instead because they can’t maintain the fiction anymore.
I scoff at anyone who tries to convince me Bin Laden is still alive. Hell, he wasn’t alive even when he WAS still alive…can you imagine living life thinking the way his army of halfwits do? It would be like being surrounded by legions of people who all INSIST that WRESTLING is REAL.
I think that neatly sums up the mindset of the people we’re fighting in this war on terror. Why aren’t we winning?
