(Long Island, N.Y.) The phrase “okay” was pretty much invented to describe The Eagle, a movie about the occupation of Britain by Rome back in 2nd century AD. It’s not a bad movie, it’s not a good movie, it’s just…”okay.” To expand a bit, one could say that it has a rather interesting and unique setting, but the otherwise solid action scenes are rendered almost unwatchable by an epileptic cameraman, and the somewhat stupid story is “enhanced” by all-around wooden acting (you were expecting something else with Channing Tatum on hand?).
Okay, so Mr. Tatum plays Roman centurion Marcus Flavius Aquila, who takes over as head of a small fort in Britain. Not long passes before the fort is attacked by local savages, and Marcus earns his men’s loyalty by displaying some level of competence as a leader and repelling the invaders. Yes, the field of view during the combat was as if an ADD-ridden 5 year-old was handling the camera, but there was still some bone-crunching, blood-gushing goodness to be had. It was especially cool when the Romans used their great big shields to form a “human tank” when getting up close and personal with the locals.
Now, Channing Tatum actually seems to display some marginal talent when it comes to action scenes – when he’s in a role where he’s grunting, swinging swords, and chucking spears, you get the feeling that he’s going to be okay for a while. But, unfortunately, The Eagle removes him from this element very early on, and when it comes to other things like reciting dialogue, emoting, or changing facial expressions, the guy pretty much comes up short.
Yeah, so the filmmakers thought that since a whole movie about Roman centurions kicking ass would just be too cool, they decide instead that Marcus should get injured and be honorably discharged. Boo. So, Marcus is shipped off to his uncle Aquila (Donald Sutherland) to recover. While there, he ends up getting his very own slave after saving the man’s life during a gladiatorial amphitheatre show. The thing is, the slave (named Esca, played by Jamie Bell) is kinda mad about being a slave, but who cares? He’s a slave, their opinions don’t count, right?
Anyway, it turns out that Marcus’ father was also a centurion back in the day and ended up losing 5,000 of his men (himself included) in Britain, along with some hunk of metal shaped like an Eagle that’s considered this big important standard by the Romans. Needless to say, this kind of put a black mark on the family name, so when this is randomly brought up, Marcus decides to use his newly-found spare time to wander into the boondocks, with just his slave who doesn’t even like him, and look for daddy’s lost eagle.
Now, I’ve seen countless movies where countless idiots die protecting some worthless inanimate Zu finden ist hier beispielsweise auch der Jackpot Slot Book of Ra Mega Fortune, ebenso Hall of Gods, das beruhmte Gonzos Quest oder auch Jack Hammer. object that they’ve elevated to a silly degree of importance, and The Eagle is no different.
The ornamental bird that Marcus is questing for is in the possession of a crazy tribe called the Seal People who apparently can run faster than horses, and they’ve taken quite a liking to it. Captured, Marcus discovers that Esca has ties to the tribe and might just use this turn of events to gain his freedom. So, will Marcus get his gold bird back, or will he be eaten? I…I can’t tell you!
I’ve already covered much of what makes The Eagle just “okay.” A lot of the film rests on the eventual bond that forms between Marcus and Esca, although, quite frankly, I didn’t see it. One second, they’e swearing to kill each other, the next minute they’re practically cuddling. Admittedly, I did fall asleep for a few minutes in the middle of the movie, but my friend Don informed me that I, in fact, did not miss any heartfelt character-building moment between the two men. They just magically went from one extreme to the other. That’s some good scriptwriting, there.
And, again, the idea of Marcus’ quest being fueled by some dumb hunk of metal is just stupid. I know that, back then, symbols meant a lot to people, but there’s this showdown at the end of The Eagle and a lot of people die on both sides…and all for a tin eagle on a stick. Granted, nowadays people kill each other over a cigarette or a pair of sneakers, but to center a whole movie around it is just dumb.
So, The Eagle is…well, I’ve already said it, but I’ll say it one more time: it”s “okay.” You could do worse, especially if you crave a little action, but otherwise go see Black Swan if you already haven’t.
