(Long Island, N.Y.) The Losers is a comic book movie based on a comic book I have never heard of. I don’t know how this reflects upon me, but I’m going to assume that the Vertigo/DC-published comic was fairly obscure; the only other options are that A) I’m tragically unhip, which is impossible, or B) I’m not as big of a geek as I’ve been worrying, which is a relief, as my recent hunt for a Doctor Who Cyberman action figure had me thinking otherwise.
Oh, right. The Losers. It’s kinda like the A-Team…no, wait, it’s EXACTLY like the A-Team. Members of an elite Special Forces team (each with their own specialty) are betrayed while on a mission in the Bolivian jungle, framed for a crime they didn’t commit, and, as far as the outside world knows, were killed. Of course, this is not the case, or the movie would only be 10 minutes long. Anyway, lead by Franklin Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), The Losers (I don’t recall them actually being called that in the movie, but whatever) lay low in some stinky backwater town and plan their next move. Along comes Aisha (Zoe Saldana, who played Uhura in the recent Star Trek reboot), a mysterious and deadly woman who first appears to be an enemy, then a friend, then an enemy, and eventually a friend again. Or something. Confused? I am.
So, Aisha (while in friend mode) offers The Losers the chance to clear their names and strike back at the man who set them up to die- smarmy a CIA operative named Max (Jason Patric), whose agenda includes naughty things like selling Weapons of Mass Destruction to the highest bidder. Needless to say, The Losers, while not trusting Aisha, decide they have no choice and embark on a final mission they may not walk away from.
The best phrase to describe The Losers is this: “It was okay.” That’s not to say that it didn’t have several aspects that made it stand out, but overall it was…”just okay.” The story is serviceable but barely there and rather inconsequential. The action scenes are solid and plentiful but somewhat bland and run-of-the-mill. It’s paced well, but it goes nowhere. It has awkward introduction scenes to each new locale that include giant block lettering floating over the terrain or the water, I guess because it looks cool. People are shot in the arms and legs and then use those very same limbs five minutes later, running and climbing up telephone poles like Olympic athletes. Huh? What?
So, do you see where I’m going with this? No? Well, I’ll spell it out plainly, then: on the surface, The Losers is just like every other recent, flashy action flick- all style, no substance. Well…almost, anyway.
Where The Losers actually shines is in the personality department- it’s got loads of it. It helps that the ensemble cast are all genuinely likable and have great chemistry with one another. Jeffrey Dean Morgan was good as the grizzled veteran and leader of the band. Columbus Short, previously known for roles in dance flicks, played the fairly down-to-Earth Linwood “Pooch” Porteous, a man that just wants to get home for the birth of his child. The rest of The Losers are rounded out by Idris Elba as William Roque, a big mean guy, and Óscar Jaenada as Carlos “Cougar” Alvarez, a guy who doesn’t say much but is very good at shooting people from miles away.
Jason Patric was fun as Max, although he did play the role with a rather large amount of quirkiness. He also did stupid, stereotypical “bad guy” stuff like shooting lackeys who didn’t hold his umbrella straight just to show you that yes, he is indeed a bad guy. But I really want to get to Zoe Saldana’s performance as Aisha, because I’m rather perplexed about it. Zoe, while possessing the correct tough-girl attitude and demeanor for the role, sadly continues the lame trend in modern action movies where gaunt, rail-thin supermodels can kick more ass than any 3 men in the movie combined. I mean, there’s a scene where twig-woman Zoe is totally holding her own in a brutal fistfight with a guy that outweighed her by at least 100 pounds. No matter what, that kind of thing just can’t be taken seriously. At least cast a woman with a solid build, one that maybe looks like she hits the gym and eats more than a small bowl of spinach a day.
Now that we’re past all that, I have to say that this movie really belongs to Chris Evans, who you might remember as The Human Torch in the horrible Fantastic Four movies. Here, he plays Jake Jensen, the “hacker” of the team, which means he’s the only member of the team that wears glasses, which (of course) means that he’s smart. I’m actually starting to become a pretty big fan of Chris Evans- he’s funny, with a good sense of comic timing combined with a physicality that an actor needs if he’s going to be in an action movie. He reminds me a little of Ryan Reynolds, only he’s not annoying or effeminate. Evans has another comic book film coming up- Captain America: The First Avenger, which is currently filming. Hopefully it’ll prove to be his big break in the business.
As an aside, I remember reading an article on The Losers where director Sylvain White claimed that the movie contained no CG whatsoever, which would have been a refreshing change of pace in the CG-obsessed world we live in. However, this wasn’t quite the case. There was CG early in the movie: when a jet bombs a compound, and when a helicopter is shot down and blows up- all 100% CG. And it was terrible, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra-level CG as well. Just comically bad. When your dramatic scene of destruction and loss of human life causes the theater crack up instead of being horrified, you know you have yourself some bad, bad CG.
So, in closing: The Losers is an “okay” movie, but it’s cast manages to make watching it more worthwhile and it would be for any other “okay” action movie starring less interesting actors. Worth checking out.
