(Long Island, NY) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen learned nothing from its predecessor, 2007’s Transformers. Directed by Michael Bay and based on the popular toy line and cartoon about sentient alien robots from the planet Cybertron (the good Autobots and evil Decepticons) living on Earth with the ability to shape-change into every-day vehicles, it’s still all about big, loud, expensive action scenes. Again, the giant robots we came to see are cast into the background and never given any character-building moments. Again, the humans are all completely bland, one-dimensional, and take up far too much screen-time from the giant robots. Again, the fight scenes are almost impossible to follow because the robots all look alike and the camera is just
too close to the action and shakes far too much. All of this was forgivable in the original, a film I actually enjoyed (it had problems, but it was also charming and fun, and for a movie based on a kid’s toy line, it treated the source material with a fair amount of respect), but for a sequel not to learn, grow and evolve at all is something that is not as easily forgiven.
All in all, Revenge of the Fallen isn’t a bad film- if you enjoyed the first one, chances are (barring some warts to be covered shortly), you’ll enjoy this one too. The new film simply ups the ante on everything you’ve seen in the previous movie, throwing more robots, more explosions, and more characters than ever. But man, does it all look pretty! Like the original Transformers, this film features some awe-inspiring effects, tons of action, and the most seamless blend of CG and live-action I’ve ever seen. It’s almost too easy to put your brain in
neutral and just sit back and enjoy the endless assault on your eyes…that is, until some major problems come creeping in, issues that existed in the original Transformers, but not nearly to the degree that they do now. These problems take a film that would at worst be the epitome of the mindless summer action flick and point it in a direction that some might find downright offensive, and are centered directly on what Michael Bay considers “humor.”
So, what does Michael Bay find funny and appropriate for a film aimed mainly at young boys, you may ask? Folks, be prepared for dogs having sex, Transformers farting out parachutes, showing their robo-testicles (I know you’re not buying that, but I swear to you I’m not kidding), and mothers getting zonked out on pot brownies, not to mention that not one female in the film (other than the aforementioned mother, thank goodness) owns anything longer than a micro-micro-miniskirt (I actually don’t mind that one so much). But once you think Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen can’t sink any lower in that regard, it introduces you to Mudflap and Skids, twin Autobots that embody every offensive and negative African-American stereotype you an imagine. They have gold teeth, speak Ebonics, can’t read, are gorilla-shaped…the list goes on. Now, I’m all for thumbing my nose at being politically correct in our straight-laced society, but there’s lines you just shouldn’t cross, and Mudflap and Skids cross the hell out of ’em. Personally, I can’t decide if the filmmakers either didn’t know what kind of hole they were digging for themselves with these characters, or just didn’t care. But even if you ignore that horrific bit of racism for a moment, the twins also happen to be VERY annoying, as if Bay watched the Star Wars prequels and decided to out-do George Lucas with what are essentially TWO Jar Jar Binks (one of whom is actually voiced by Spongebob Squarepants actor Tom Kenny…!). Regardless of how you look at it, these characters are a detriment to Revenge of the Fallen, especially considering that Mudflap and Skids have more screen-time allotted to them than any other robot in the movie. Geez.
Oh, wait, I suppose I should take a quick break and recap the plot, right? Okay. In the first Transformers movie the Autobots
and Decpticons both converged on Earth, looking for an all-powerful artifact called the Allspark which could either be used to save their dying homeworld (which the good guys wanted to do) or conquer the galaxy (which the bad guys wanted to do). It is revealed that Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), a teenage human, holds the key to its whereabouts. The Autobots befriend Sam, lots of big robots beat each other up, the good ones win, the end. Fast-forward to the sequel, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen- the remaining Atuobots on Earth, lead by the wise and powerful Optimus Prime (voiced again by fan favorite Peter Cullen, returning from the cartoon), have teamed up with the military to hunt down rogue Decepticons wreaking havoc across the globe. Meanwhile Sam is preparing to go away for his first year of college in an attempt to live a normal life, leaving behind
his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox, reprising her role) and his protector, the Autobot Bumblebee (who vocal module injury oddly seems to have resurfaced since the last movie- he can’t talk again, but communicates via pop songs from his radio), both of whom are pretty bummed out about it. Still, the planet is safe, so no one really has anything to complain about too much, do they?
But unbeknownst to everyone, my favorite Decepticon, Soundwave (who is sadly no longer an 80’s boombox, but at least is voiced as he was in the cartoon by the great Frank Welker), has hacked into Earth’s satellites and is busy tracking down the last remaining shard of the Allspark, thought destroyed when it was used to kill Decepticon leader Megatron (Hugo Weaving) in the climax of the first movie. Soundwave dispatches Decepticons to retrieve the Allspark shard (which is still in the pocket of the sweatshirt Sam was wearing two years before- doesn’t he wash it? Eeww) and revive Megatron, whose robo-corpse was dumped into the ocean by the Navy (Why? Wouldn’t it benefit mankind to study his technology instead? Eh, whatever).
The cyberpanther-like Ravage is successful in stealing back the remaining fragment of the Allspark, but not before Sam discovers the shard which magically fills his mind with ancient Cybertronian mumbo-jumbo that the Decepticons need, otherwise no one would care about him and he wouldn’t have been needed for the sequel. Led by Megatron’s master The Fallen, the Decepticons invade Earth, demanding Sam (well, his brain, anyway) and threatening to extinguish the sun just for kicks. Sam, Mikaela, and Bumblebee, along with Mudflap and Skids (AKA Car Car Binks) seek out assistance in learning the secret of the Allspark and the hidden history of Transformers on Earth. Cue the return of John Turturro as Agent Simmons, the character who almost single-handedly ruined the first movie, now running an alien conspiracy website. As a former secret government agent, Simmons knows all about Transformer activity on Earth, and with his help (along with a talking RC Truck named Wheelie, also voiced by Tom Kenny), the gang locates an aging old Transformer named Jetfire hiding out in the Smithsonian Aid and Space Museum in Washington D.C. who in turn directs them to Egypt to discover something called the Matrix of Leadership, meanwhile Decepticon reinforcements arriving from deep space for the final battle…ah, never mind. Just forget it. I’ve already wasted more time trying to explain the story of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen than the movie actually does in its 2 ½ hour
running time. Honestly, the film treats the plotlines as inconsequential- it’s all just an excuse to get to the next explosion.
There’s not really much else to say. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has plenty action, things blowing up, people screaming, and giant robots beating the tar out of each other, all of which can be considered as good things, especially for a summer blockbuster. For that reason alone it would be a solid recommendation, if not for the out-of-place risqué humor (why did they have to show Devestator’s cyber-junk? Why?), the racist homeboy bots, the lack of any real plot at all, and too many characters to keep track of or care about. I’d comment on the acting, but there wasn’t any that I was aware of.
Overall, Revenge of the Fallen is a disappointment, although not nearly to the degree that Terminator: Salvation was to me personally (now that film REALLY missed the mark). But like I said above, there’s certainly some good to be found in the new Transformers flick. Actually, the movie eventually gets so over-the-top that you might not care about the things I’m nit-picking about- the non-stop robo-carnage and things going boom will eventually numb you to any stimulus from the outside world, which might make Revenge of the Fallen an excellent alternative to Novocain the next time you visit the dentist’s office. Consider it.
